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Housing shortage in big cities can cause severe social consequences Some people think only government action can solve this problem To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

Housing shortage in big cities can cause severe social consequences Some people think only government action can solve this problem v. 2
It is true that unavailability of living space in congested metropolitan can lead to unprecedented repercussions. I completely agree with the statement that its government responsibility to mitigate these problems. Firstly, with increase in population, people are forced to live in crowded areas subsidizing the standard of living. In other words, quality of life decrease substantially by this phenomena. For example, inhibitors face security issues as with clogged streets crime rate increases. This cannot be controlled by individuals or society so authorities have to take action, such as increase in forced units and installation of surveillance cameras, to overcome this problem. Additionally, increase in garbage production rate and air pollution caused by traffic is seen on these places leading to deteriorating environmental condition. Again here, government ought to provide a systematic disposal system to restrict carbon emission. Secondly, to evade the situation, families prefer to live on suburbs, away from the main cities. This not only deprives them of basic facilities such as Hospitals, which mostly are situated in center of cities, but also generate mobilization problems. For instance, on an average, it takes approximately one hour for commuters to reach the workplace from outskirts of city for job. Communities cannot provide such facilities because of limited resources and government have to indulge to construct amenities for families living on far side according to the requirements. Furthermore, efficient traffic system need to be established to resolve travel issue. For example, London is expanding exponentially and government has provided underground railway called tube to facilitate citizens. In conclusion, although societal problems generate in populated cities, effective government policies and steps can help solve these problems for the betterment of society and increase in life standard.
It is true that unavailability of living space in congested metropolitan can lead to unprecedented repercussions. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
responsibility to mitigate these problems.

Firstly
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in population,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in crowded areas subsidizing the standard of living.
In other words
, quality of life decrease
substantially
by
Did you mean "these"?
this
phenomena.
For example
, inhibitors face security issues as with clogged
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "streets'" or "street's"?
streets
crime rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
. This cannot
be controlled
by individuals or society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take action, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in forced units and installation of surveillance cameras, to overcome this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in garbage production rate and air pollution caused by traffic is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on these places leading to deteriorating environmental condition. Again here,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
ought to provide a systematic disposal system to restrict carbon emission.

Secondly
, to evade the situation, families prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on suburbs, away from the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. This not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
deprives them of basic facilities such as Hospitals, which
mostly
are situated
in center of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
generate mobilization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
For instance
, on an average, it takes approximately one hour for commuters to reach the workplace from outskirts of city for job. Communities cannot provide such facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of limited resources and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
indulge to construct amenities for families living on far side according to the requirements.
Furthermore
, efficient traffic system need to
be established
to resolve travel issue.
For example
, London is expanding
exponentially
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has provided underground railway called tube to facilitate citizens.

In conclusion
, although societal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
generate in populated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
policies and steps can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for the betterment of society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in life standard.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Housing shortage in big cities can cause severe social consequences Some people think only government action can solve this problem v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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