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Holidays honor people or events. If you could create a new holiday, what person or event would it honor and how would you want people to celebrate it? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.4

Holidays honor people or events. If you could create a new holiday, what person or event would it honor and how would you want people to celebrate it? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 4
“Said so honest prophet which seek science from birth to grave”; Ferdosi said; the most well-known Iranian poets who lived in ninth century (to sun calendar). This statement shows that one famous personality who one day should honor him is Ferdosi. Although, for some, there are lots of other well-known persons to choose, for me, Ferdosi is much more deserved in comparison with them due to extraordinary combinations which annex religion besides tradition and its rich vocabularies related to utter Farsi. To begin with, the seeming feature of Ferdosi in his masterpiece (Shahname) can observe in appearance of his poems: that which they explain statements of prophet of Mohammad, Ali; the holy persons in Shia sect in Islam. Such statements in poetry book signify of combination of religion and tradition. In one parts of his book can read: “In the name of God who possessed spirit and wisdom, which never pass the best through the mind” Existing spirituality poems in an epic book shows its superiority in comparison with similar books in the world; it indicates that how extraordinary is this book. So, Iranian should name one day to his honor. Additionally, Farsi that once under threatens of devastation (in time of Moghol’s wars) its survival will guarantee because of Ferdosi’s book. Frdosi told: “I found such a building from poems which never parish by passing the time” This is because of his extraordinary vocabularies, his unparalleled rich structures, and his condescending stories; so that, by reading them every light-hearted person outbursts to crying because of grief existed in those epic stories. Therefore, Ferdosi is one of the unparalleled personalities who should to appreciate. All in all, I contended that making Farsi to survive and various combinations of religion and tradition are two features on which Ferdosi should appreciate specifically by name a day to his honor.
“Said
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
honest prophet which seek science from birth to grave”;
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ferdosi
said; the most well-known Iranian poets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in ninth century (to sun calendar). This statement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personality
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a one".
who one
day should honor him is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ferdosi
. Although, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, there are lots of other well-known persons to choose, for me,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ferdosi
is much more deserved
in comparison
with them due to extraordinary combinations which annex religion
besides
tradition and its rich vocabularies related to utter Farsi.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the seeming feature of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ferdosi
in his masterpiece (
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shahname
) can observe in appearance of his poems: that which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
statements of prophet of Mohammad, Ali; the holy persons in Shia sect in Islam. Such statements in poetry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
signify of combination of religion and tradition. In one parts of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
can read: “In the name of God
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
possessed spirit and wisdom, which never pass the best through the mind” Existing spirituality poems in an epic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
its superiority
in comparison
with similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in the world; it indicates that how extraordinary is this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, Iranian should name one day to his honor.

Additionally
, Farsi that once under threatens of devastation (in time of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Moghol
’s wars) its survival will guarantee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ferdosi
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Frdosi
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
: “I found such a building from poems which never parish by passing the time” This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his extraordinary vocabularies, his unparalleled rich structures, and his condescending stories;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, by reading them every light-hearted person outbursts to crying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of grief existed in those epic stories.
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ferdosi
is one of the unparalleled personalities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should to appreciate.

All in all, I contended that making Farsi to survive and various combinations of religion and tradition are two features on which
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ferdosi
should appreciate
specifically
by name a day to his honor.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Holidays honor people or events. If you could create a new holiday, what person or event would it honor and how would you want people to celebrate it? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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