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176 Holidays honor people or events. If you could create a new holiday, what person or event would it honor and how would you want people to celebrate it? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer v.1

176 Holidays honor people or events. If you could create a new holiday, what person or event would it honor and how would you want people to celebrate it? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer v. 1
Global warming is a sad reality today. However, while I agree that pollution from automobiles is a cause of global warming, I believe that there are other major factors contributing towards global warming. On the one hand, pollution from cars is clearly one of the major reasons contributing to global warming. The Carbon Dioxide emitted from the vehicles mixes with the air. As a result, the earth's temperature to rise. Moreover, it also leads reaches the planet's atmosphere and depletes the Ozone layer, which results in more Ultra Violet rays entering the earth's atmosphere. However, although pollution from cars is a major factor causing the earth's temperature to rise, I believe that there are other factors as well. The first major cause is deforestation. Though cars emit Carbon Dioxide, trees are required to convert Carbon Dioxide into Oxygen. Because of this destruction of forests and cutting of trees there is no proper mechanism to control the large number of pollution coming from cars. Another major reason is burning fossil fuel. IT companies need a huge infrastructure in the form of computers and supercomputers to develop softwares and applications, which need great amount of electricity. The electricity to power these huge infrastructure comes from burning fossil fuel. As a result, of this the air is polluted and the earth's temperature increases. In short, while I agree that pollution from automobiles is a major cause of global warming, I, ultimately, believe that deforestation and burning fossil fuel contribute more to it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
is a sad reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
However
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
from automobiles is a cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
, I believe that there are other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
factors contributing towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
warming.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is
clearly
one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
reasons contributing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
. The Carbon Dioxide emitted from the vehicles mixes with the air.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth's
temperature to rise.
Moreover
, it
also
leads reaches the planet's atmosphere and depletes the Ozone layer, which results in more Ultra Violet rays entering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth's
atmosphere.

However
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
factor causing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth's
temperature to rise, I believe that there are other factors
as well
. The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
cause is deforestation. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
emit Carbon Dioxide, trees
are required
to convert Carbon Dioxide into Oxygen.
Because of this
destruction of forests and cutting of trees there is no proper mechanism to control the large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
coming from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
reason is burning fossil fuel. IT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need a huge infrastructure in the form of computers and supercomputers to develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
and applications, which need great amount of electricity. The electricity to power these huge infrastructure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from burning fossil fuel.
As a result
, of this the air
is polluted
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earth's
temperature increases.

In short, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
from automobiles is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
warming
, I,
ultimately
, believe that deforestation and burning fossil fuel contribute more to it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 176 Holidays honor people or events. If you could create a new holiday, what person or event would it honor and how would you want people to celebrate it? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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