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History tells that people have often thought about creating an ideal society but most of the times fail in making this happen What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society v.1

History tells that people have often thought about creating an ideal society but most of the times fail in making this happen What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society v. 1
More often than not, it has become an increasing trend for people exploring their family’s root around most countries in the world. I consider this is because it helps them to discover their identity and culture. Moreover, it provides useful information about their past that can be beneficial to their present life. To begin with, people whose fore-parents migrated to a foreign country generations ago, will most likely be curious and anxious to find out about their true identity. Therefore, they make efforts to carry research into their family background to help them discover where they originate from. Consequently, knowing about their root helps them understand their culture as well as build their self-worth. For instance, a girl from African origin living in Europe will be intrigued to learn about African food, music and art. This will help build her self-esteem among her peers. In addition, finding out about one's family background might lead to knowledge of information that is beneficial in dealing with current life’s circumstances. Some family have traits or diseases that are hereditary, thus, it will be of enormous advantage if such people are aware of these conditions. In other words, a person with a family history of cancer will take necessary precaution to reduce or avoid its occurrence if these information are known, thus, helping them live a healthier and prolonged life. In conclusion, it is advantageous for people to learn more about their historical background, as it helps them identify with their background. Moreover, they also gain knowledge of traits that are peculiar to their family, which can be beneficial to them in making some life choices.
More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than not, it has become an increasing trend for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exploring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
root around most countries in the world. I consider this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to discover their identity and culture.
Moreover
, it provides useful information about their past that can be beneficial to their present life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose fore-parents migrated to a foreign country
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "generation"?
generations
ago, will most likely be curious and anxious to find out about their true identity.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to carry research into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them discover where they originate from.
Consequently
, knowing about their root
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them understand their culture
as well
as build their self-worth.
For instance
, a girl from African origin living in Europe will
be intrigued
to learn about African food, music and art. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
build her self-esteem among her peers.

In addition
, finding out about one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
might lead to knowledge of information
that is
beneficial in dealing with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
life’s circumstances.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have traits or diseases that are hereditary,
thus
, it will be of enormous advantage if such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of these conditions.
In other words
, a person with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
history of cancer will take necessary precaution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
or avoid its occurrence if these information
are known
,
thus
, helping them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthier and prolonged life.

In conclusion
, it is advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to learn more about their historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
, as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them identify with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
.
Moreover
, they
also
gain knowledge of traits that are peculiar to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, which can be beneficial to them in making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
life choices.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay History tells that people have often thought about creating an ideal society but most of the times fail in making this happen What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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