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Do you agree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their student’s sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific examples and reasons to support your answer. v.1

Universities should give the same amount of money to their student’s sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific examples and reasons to support your answer. v. 1
There is a belief that high school programmes should include voluntary community service as a mandatory part of the curriculum. Though I believe it’s just the right attitude to be instilled in the youngsters these days, but I also hold the thought that the students can be given a choice to do so. To begin with, it’s an irrefutable fact that our community has served us for a very long time in various ways and now it’s time for us to give back to the community. So, including community service in the school programme will definitely inculcate universal values among the students and help them understand its requirement. Undoubtedly, these young students are the ones who can make this world a better place to live in, so this approach will help build future citizens of the world. Furthermore, it’ll not only help in making a majority of students learn these essential values but, also help us safeguard our future. That said, although this approach does help instill positive attitude among the high school children towards the community but, at the same time, it also deters the autonomy of a learner. This is because, anything made compulsory, makes it pressurizing for a child to learn something which he doesn’t really wish to. For instance, there may be a child who has other academic priorities at that point in time, and he doesn’t want to devote his time and energy in such programmes. So, instead of making anything obligatory, a child will learn at his best, if he’s given a choice of what or how to learn. In conclusion, while such programmes and plans for students help them understand the need to serve the society, making it compulsory for them doesn’t leave much room for them to explore their true potential. So, I believe that instead of making it compulsory, the students could be given a choice to learn what they wish to.
There is a belief that high school
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
should include voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service as a mandatory part of the curriculum. Though I believe it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the right attitude to
be instilled
in the youngsters these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
also
hold the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a choice to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it’s an irrefutable fact that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
has served us for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in various ways and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for us to give back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
service in the school
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
will definitely inculcate universal values among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them understand its requirement.
Undoubtedly
, these young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are the ones who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this world a better place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this approach will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
build future citizens of the world.
Furthermore
, it’ll not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in making a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
these essential values
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
us safeguard our future.

That said, although this approach does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
instill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude among the high school children towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it
also
deters the autonomy of a learner. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, anything made compulsory,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it pressurizing for a child to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
something which he doesn’t
really
wish to.
For instance
, there may be a child who has other academic priorities at that point in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and he doesn’t want to devote his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy in such
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
instead
of making anything obligatory, a child will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
at his best, if he’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a choice of what or how to learn.

In conclusion
, while such
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and plans for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them understand the need to serve the society, making it compulsory for them doesn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
much room for them to explore their true potential.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I believe that
instead
of making it compulsory, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a choice to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
what they wish to.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Universities should give the same amount of money to their student’s sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific examples and reasons to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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