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High technology is now being harnessed to help the elderly by providing monitoring, tracking and, perhaps, one day robots as companions. While there are obvious benefits for the elderly in these developments, some people are uneasy about the consequences. v.2

High technology is now being harnessed to help the elderly by providing monitoring, tracking and, perhaps, one day robots as companions. While there are obvious benefits for the elderly in these developments, some people are uneasy about the consequences. v. 2
As the result of technology development in medical field, monitoring and tracking by auto machines are now using for giving care to the elderly. Although many people agree that this is a good change for society, I believe that it still has many downsides to take into account before applying. On one hand, we can not deny the fact that the elderly todays are living in a much more comfortable condition than in the past and it will be better in the future thanks for technology. One case in point is the heart rate monitor which helps those older people on understanding and tracking their own heart. Furthermore, those grandmothers and grandfathers often have some subtle health problems which can be solved easily by a nurse robot without make them feel embarrassed. On the other hand, an obvious consequence of these alternative ways of caring is the lack of social communication for those senior citizens. Due to their old ages and physical barriers, they can not have as many relationships as before which can lead to some dangerous mental illness such as depression or paranoia. This problem only can be solved by a real nurse or doctor with their own feelings and emotions, not by an apathetic robot. The other problem is how much we can trust in a machine in doing jobs relative to human health, especially the older ones because our bodies are too complex for it to understand. For example, a headache can be the symptom of various medical disorders: high blood pressure, emotional distress or migraines. In conclusion, it is a good idea of using technology in elderly treatment, but the methods and machines should be tested and checked carefully to reach the best safety quality for human kinds.
As the result of technology development in medical field, monitoring and tracking by auto machines are
now
using for giving care to the elderly. Although
many
people
agree
that this is a
good
change
for society, I believe that it
still
has
many
downsides to take into account
before
applying.

On one hand, we can not deny the fact that the elderly
todays
are living in a much more comfortable condition than in the past and it will be better in the future thanks for technology. One case in point is the heart rate monitor which
helps
those older
people
on understanding and tracking their
own
heart.
Furthermore
, those grandmothers and grandfathers
often
have
some
subtle health problems which can
be solved
easily
by a nurse robot without
make
them feel embarrassed.

On the other hand
, an obvious consequence of these alternative ways of caring is the lack of social communication for those senior citizens. Due to their
old
ages and physical barriers, they can not have as
many
relationships as
before
which can lead to
some
dangerous
mental illness such as depression or paranoia. This problem
only
can
be solved
by a real nurse or doctor with their
own
feelings and emotions, not by an apathetic robot. The other problem is how much we can trust in a machine in doing jobs relative to human health,
especially
the older ones
because
our bodies are too complex for it to understand.
For example
, a headache can be the symptom of various medical disorders: high blood pressure, emotional distress or migraines.

In conclusion
, it is a
good
idea
of using technology in elderly treatment,
but
the methods and machines should be
tested
and
checked
carefully
to reach the best safety quality for human kinds.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay High technology is now being harnessed to help the elderly by providing monitoring, tracking and, perhaps, one day robots as companions. While there are obvious benefits for the elderly in these developments, some people are uneasy about the consequences. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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