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Advanced technologies like cell phone tracking and security cameras are being used to monitor people’s activities. In many cases, people who are being monitored are unaware of that and many people oppose the use of such monitoring for this reason. Others, however, say that to track crimes it is important to use such technology. v.2

Advanced technologies like cell phone tracking and security cameras are being used to monitor people’s activities. In many cases, people who are being monitored are unaware of that and many people oppose the use of such monitoring for this reason. Others, however, say that to track crimes it is important to use such technology. v. 2
Technology has advanced beyond the basic needs of people and nowadays offers devices that can be used to track activities of people through mobile phones, CCTV cameras etc. Although the main idea behind making such devices is to ensure safety of the people and avert criminal acts, however, many incidents has been reported where in these devices was used to record activities of people without their knowledge. At the same time, as I would like to think, such misuse of technology in present times cannot still override the benefits derived from it. It is true that the number of cases reported on use of devices for infringement into people private without their consent has increased in the past few years. In reality, all such cases are due to wrong minds of the people who believe in exploiting others and won't hesitate to use any means to achieve their purpose. Such people can harm others even without the use of technology. Despite the disadvantageous use of technology by unreliable people, it cannot be denied that development of device for the use of monitoring people exercises has proved enormously beneficial in reducing cost spend on the guaranteeing security of individuals at public places, offices and remote areas. This spared measure of cash can further be utilized on other welfare prospects of individuals. . Additionally, with the utilization these gadget, the crime rate has reduced and it's easy of find the real culprit behind the crime. Besides, tracking through mobile phones made it difficult to abscond for the guilty. To sum up, technology does not promote the criminal acts, it's the unethical people who use it for wrong purposes and the unaccountable advantages of technology cannot be supersedes by such abuses.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has advanced beyond the basic needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and nowadays offers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
activities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
through mobile phones, CCTV cameras etc. Although the main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
behind making such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
is to ensure safety of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and avert criminal acts,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
incidents has
been reported
where in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to record activities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
without their knowledge. At the same time, as I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, such misuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in present times cannot
still
override the benefits derived from it.

It is true that the number of cases reported on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
for infringement into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
private without their consent has increased in the past few years. In reality, all such cases are due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
minds of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe in exploiting others and won't hesitate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
any means to achieve their purpose. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can harm others even without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology.

Despite the disadvantageous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
by unreliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it cannot
be denied
that development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exercises has proved
enormously
beneficial in reducing cost spend on the guaranteeing security of individuals at public places, offices and remote areas. This spared measure of cash can
further
be utilized
on other welfare prospects of individuals.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Additionally
, with the utilization
Did you mean "this gadget" or "these gadgets"?
these gadget
, the crime rate has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and it's easy of find the real culprit behind the crime.
Besides
, tracking through mobile phones made it difficult to abscond for the guilty.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
does not promote the criminal acts, it's the unethical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
purposes and the unaccountable advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
cannot be
Consider using the past participle "superseded"?
supersedes
by such abuses.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Advanced technologies like cell phone tracking and security cameras are being used to monitor people’s activities. In many cases, people who are being monitored are unaware of that and many people oppose the use of such monitoring for this reason. Others, however, say that to track crimes it is important to use such technology. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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