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High technology is now being harnessed to help the elderly by providing monitoring, tracking and, perhaps, one day robots as companions. While there are obvious benefits for the elderly in these developments, some people are uneasy about the consequences. v.1

High technology is now being harnessed to help the elderly by providing monitoring, tracking and, perhaps, one day robots as companions. While there are obvious benefits for the elderly in these developments, some people are uneasy about the consequences. v. 1
Admissions to university study programs are considered to be a very important facet for a student in their education. There is an idea put forth that everyone should be accepted for university study programs irrespective of their academic ability. As a student, I would disagree with this statement as it hinders the sustenance of both the student, the peers, and the university. Frankly speaking, it is not sustainable for the university to accept, process and teach all applicants due to the limited resources available. Some coveted universities may be sought after the most and there is also the case of applications converging for a particular college. For the students, the university of higher education is highly encouraging the grade-points obtained in lower grades and undergraduate courses. When everyone is allowed to take part in the university study programs of their choice, it would disrupt this flow, which might lead to poor involvement in the lower grades. Also, the amount of competition for certain institutions like the Ivy League universities ensures that only a very select few, in a creamy layer, are able to get admission. The level of complexity and the aggressive nature of the courses demand such people alone and if students with the limited academic ability are introduced into such an environment, it might become adversarial for the students taking up the course as well as the institution offering the course. For example, institutions like the IIT (Indian Institute of Technology) are highly coveted and there is a huge competition among Indian students for getting into an IIT. Even then, most of the IIT students complain of pressure, stress, and depression due to the demanding coursework. In conclusion, I would say that academic excellence is very important and should be one of the key factors in determining admission into the program. On the other hand, it should not be the sole consideration and the passion and interest of the student towards the course must also be taken into consideration for an efficient study program.
Admissions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are considered
to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
facet for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in their education. There is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
put forth that everyone should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
irrespective of their academic ability. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, I would disagree with this statement as it hinders the sustenance of both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, the peers, and the university.

Frankly
speaking, it is not sustainable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to accept, process and teach all applicants due to the limited resources available.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
coveted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
may
be sought
after the most and there is
also
the case of applications converging for a particular college. For the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
of higher education is
highly
encouraging the grade-points obtained in lower grades and undergraduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. When everyone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
of their choice, it would disrupt this flow, which might lead to poor involvement in the lower grades.

Also
, the amount of competition for certain institutions like the Ivy League
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
ensures that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
select few, in a creamy layer, are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission. The level of complexity and the aggressive nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
demand such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
alone and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with the limited academic ability
are introduced
into such an environment, it might become adversarial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
taking up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
as well
as the institution offering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
For example
, institutions like the IIT (Indian Institute of Technology) are
highly
coveted and there is a huge competition among Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for getting into an IIT. Even then, most of the IIT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
complain of pressure,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, and depression due to the demanding coursework.

In conclusion
, I would say that academic excellence is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and should be one of the key factors in determining admission into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
.
On the other hand
, it should not be the sole consideration and the passion and interest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
be taken
into consideration for an efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay High technology is now being harnessed to help the elderly by providing monitoring, tracking and, perhaps, one day robots as companions. While there are obvious benefits for the elderly in these developments, some people are uneasy about the consequences. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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