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High school students are usually not good at managing money What are the reasons What are the solutions v.2

High school students are usually not good at managing money What are the reasons What are the solutions v. 2
It is true that high school students are not renowned for their skills in managing their own finances. Two factors stand out as being responsible for this failing, but there are steps which can be taken to remedy the problem. High school students are often incapable of managing money for two main reasons. The first is family background. During their formative years, children of high school age are often rebellious, asserting their independence as they prepare to enter adult life. They may say that parents are being overprotective when giving advice about money matters. Secondly, adolescents are very impressionable. They are easily swayed by advertisements, and the media skilfully employs market research to persuade teenage consumers to buy particular goods impulsively. So, regardless of the cost, high school students sometimes borrow on credit to spend on ‘must have’ items, such as designer label clothes or the latest i-Pod. There are measures which parents and the authoritiesshould take to deal with this issue. From an early age, parents ought to bring up their children to make the most of their pocket money. Parents must encourage patterns of behaviour in which youngsters learn to use money wisely and not to squander their savings in order to keep up with their peers in school. Government, as well as parental involvement, also has a role to play. Controls must be placed on how the media operates, particularly in the booming field of online advertising. Celebrity endorsement should be banned, as young people of high school age are vulnerable to the association of certain products with glamour and success. In conclusion, persuading high school students to manage their money wisely is not an easy task for the reasons explained, but parents and government can implement some common-sense solutions.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not renowned for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in managing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
finances. Two factors stand out as being responsible for this failing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are steps which can
be taken
to remedy the problem.

High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
incapable of managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for two main reasons. The
first
is family background. During their formative years, children of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
age are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
rebellious, asserting their independence as they prepare to enter adult life. They may say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are being overprotective when giving advice about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
matters.
Secondly
, adolescents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
impressionable. They are
easily
swayed by advertisements, and the media
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilfully' is British English.
skilfully
employs market research to persuade teenage consumers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
impulsively
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, regardless of the cost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
borrow on credit to spend on ‘
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have’ items, such as designer label clothes or the latest i-Pod.

There are measures which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
authoritiesshould
take to deal with this issue. From an early age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to bring up their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most of their pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
encourage patterns of
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in which youngsters learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
and not to squander their savings in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with their peers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
,
as well
as parental involvement,
also
has a role to play. Controls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be placed
on how the media operates,
particularly
in the booming field of online advertising. Celebrity endorsement should
be banned
, as young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
age are vulnerable to the association of certain products with glamour and success.

In conclusion
, persuading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to manage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
is not an easy task for the reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can implement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
common-sense solutions.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay High school students are usually not good at managing money What are the reasons What are the solutions v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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