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High school students are usually not good at managing money What are the reasons What are the solutions v.1

High school students are usually not good at managing money What are the reasons What are the solutions v. 1
Many people believe that immunization has to be prevented due to the dangerous effect of that for children that is because the vaccine is weakened viruses so that they can be harmful to children especially infants. However, in my perspective inoculation is not only useful but also vital. Vaccinate, which protect against disease by assuring immunity, is widely used in front of the world. And, as we know, the lack of vaccination among prior generations was the biggest cause of getting infections, since the younger are most likely to become sick, the mortality rate was in high level among them. To illustrate, poliomyelitis, which was common among children, now is eradicated by using its vaccines. So, the historical evidence shows the matter of immunization. Moreover, inoculation is based on the idea that it is better to keep people from falling ill than to focus only helping them recover once they are ill, so that vaccination is an appropriate solution to defeat the diseases such as diphtheria, tetanus, and pertussis which killed millions of children annually in the past. Furthermore, the more vaccines have developed, the more level of mortality has decreased, thus inoculation is the most effective cure to prevent infectious diseases. To conclude, despite the fact that inoculations are the surface of a bacterium or virus, they may also provide a non-active toxin, and they can be harmful to young, especially one who has not strong defeat system, they play a crucial role in declining of death level by diseases. Consequently, in my opinion, they are necessary items in the contemporary world for saving people's life.
Many
people
believe that immunization
has to
be
prevented
due to the
dangerous
effect of that for
children
that is
because
the vaccine
is weakened
viruses
so
that they can be harmful to
children
especially
infants.
However
, in my perspective inoculation is not
only
useful
but
also
vital.

Vaccinate, which protect against disease by assuring immunity, is
widely
used
in front of the world. And, as we know, the lack of vaccination among prior generations was the biggest cause of getting infections, since the younger are most likely to become sick, the mortality rate was in high level among them. To illustrate, poliomyelitis, which was common among
children
,
now
is eradicated
by using its vaccines.
So
, the historical evidence
shows
the matter of immunization.

Moreover
, inoculation
is based
on the
idea
that it is better to
keep
people
from falling ill than to focus
only
helping them recover once they are ill,
so
that vaccination is an appropriate solution to defeat the diseases such as diphtheria, tetanus, and pertussis which killed millions of
children
annually
in the past.
Furthermore
, the more vaccines have developed, the more level of mortality has decreased,
thus
inoculation is the most effective cure to
prevent
infectious diseases.

To conclude
, despite the fact that inoculations are the surface of a bacterium or virus, they may
also
provide a non-active toxin, and they can be harmful to young,
especially
one who has not strong defeat system, they play a crucial role in declining of death level by diseases.
Consequently
, in my opinion, they are necessary items in the contemporary world for saving
people
's life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay High school students are usually not good at managing money What are the reasons What are the solutions v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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