Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Topic 003: some people think computers and the internet are important in children’s study, but others think students can learn more effectively in schools and with teachers. Discuss both view and give your own opinion. v.1

Topic 003: some people think computers and the internet are important in children’s study, but others think students can learn more effectively in schools and with teachers. v. 1
The way children study, are radically different from those of any previous generation, and one of the most revolutionary changes is the application of computers as well as the internet. Education systems have sparked off the heated controversy over whether technology or teacher is the better choice for an effective training program. Personally, I think the instruction of teachers is still indispensible and will support my view with reasons and examples in this essay. To begin with, people supporting internet and computers point out its ability to facilitate independent and economical study. Indeed, thanks to free lessons and software available on many websites, students can approach necessary materials without expenses. In addition, because the materials are originated from everywhere and are available every time, computers and the internet enable them to stay in part and study whenever they want, unlike attending traditional classes. However, there are question marks over the precision of its knowledge, which may not be recognized or authorized. Furthermore, due to students are unable to question and exchange fact with each other, it lacks of interaction is also a minus making this method less efficient. In contrast, traditional education also has its own strength. Despite the subjectiveness of teachers place it at a disadvantage, its interaction is still high, because when children go to school, they will be able to learn from not only instructors but also each other. In addition, teachers are experienced enough to ensure that students’ development is orchestrated stage by stage, and their acquisition of knowledge is guided and backed up in a systematic way, which is less likely to achieve when they learn by computer of on the internet. To sum up, there is no denying the fact that the internet and computers are of great use in assisting children’s study, but traditional training seems to be more effective thanks to its high interaction and likeliness to equip students with systematic development. Technology should be encouraged to become an assistant rather than to substitute teacher in the future.
The way children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, are
radically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from those of any previous generation, and one of the most revolutionary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
is the application of computers
as well
as the internet. Education systems have sparked off the heated controversy over whether technology or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is the better choice for an effective training program.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the instruction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is
still
Possible spelling mistake found.
indispensible
and will support my view with reasons and examples in this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
supporting internet and computers point out its ability to facilitate independent and economical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Indeed
, thanks to free lessons and software available on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
websites,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can approach necessary materials without expenses.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the materials
are originated
from everywhere and are available every time, computers and the internet enable them to stay in part and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
whenever they want, unlike attending traditional classes.
However
, there are question marks over the precision of its knowledge, which may not
be recognized
or authorized.
Furthermore
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are unable to question and exchange fact with each other, it lacks of interaction is
also
a minus making this method less efficient.

In contrast
, traditional education
also
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
strength. Despite the
Possible spelling mistake found.
subjectiveness
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
place it at a disadvantage, its interaction is
still
high,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when children go to school, they will be able to learn from not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
instructors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
each other.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
development
is orchestrated
stage by stage, and their acquisition of knowledge
is guided
and backed up
Consider replacing "in a systematic way" with the adverb for "systematic"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a systematic way
, which is less likely to achieve when they learn by computer of on the internet.

To sum up, there is no denying the fact that the internet and computers are of great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in assisting children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
traditional training seems to be more effective thanks to its high interaction and likeliness to equip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with systematic development. Technology should
be encouraged
to become an assistant
rather
than to substitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in the future.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Topic 003: some people think computers and the internet are important in children’s study, but others think students can learn more effectively in schools and with teachers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts