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The two maps show an island, before and after the construction for a tourism purpose. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

The two maps show an island, before and after the construction for a tourism purpose.
Language is most valuable invention humans ever had and it plays an essential role in communication. A number of languages extinct each year. Some people believe that it is not essential because the world will be easier with the fewest languages. I firmly agree with the statement and would my views in the following paragraphs. In order to strengthen my perspective, I would like to assert that where globalization has given the opportunity to expand the businesses from one country to another, it has also become the one major reason behind the extinction of some minority languages because increasing demand in the corporate world of universal language which is why the majority of schools are teaching in English as global languages rather than native languages in term to get a better job. Moreover, migration also plays a huge role behind language death. For instance, children of immigrants in abroad do not speak their native language fluently because of less preference to their own language. Therefore, various languages vanish almost every year. Moving further, fewer language will be easy to learn and it will unite the whole world because of ease of communication between them. For example, there will be very little language barrier or no barrier between them, which mean that they will be able to work in other countries and interact with them. Besides, scientists will have been taking most advantage of that by sharing research on particular topics and enhancing knowledge regarding that topic from other scientists of other countries. Apart from this, organizations will make huge profits because language barriers will not be a big issue for them and it will be easy for them to research on their culture and their mindsets and expand in their country. On the contrary, cultures and traditions of one country are directly connected to one country and cultures with vanishing itself with the extinction of language because there will be no one to preserve these cultures. Also, people will lose their identity with the death of their language and they will feel inferior towards other people and these people will be seen as lower value in front of native people because it will create a hierarchy in society. Adding more to this, countries will have more dominance towards other countries who lost their languages. Such as English is used as a primary language and English speaking countries are showing like America and Britain are influencing other countries. To recapitulate, it can be said that this issue has both the aspects having an individual value and neither of them. Can be stated wrong, but still my point of view has shown the more significant value to me.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
valuable invention humans ever had and it plays an essential role in communication. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
extinct each year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is not essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the world will be easier with the fewest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and would my views in the following paragraphs.

In order to strengthen my perspective, I would like to assert that where globalization has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity to expand the businesses from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to another, it has
also
become the one major reason behind the extinction of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
increasing demand in the corporate world of universal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
which is why the majority of schools are teaching in English as global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
rather
than native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
in term to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better job.
Moreover
, migration
also
plays a huge role behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
death.
For instance
, children of immigrants in abroad do not speak their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
fluently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less preference to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
Therefore
, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
vanish almost every year.

Moving
further
, fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
will be easy to learn and it will unite the whole world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of communication between them.
For example
, there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barrier or no barrier between them, which mean that they will be able to work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and interact with them.
Besides
, scientists will have been taking most advantage of that by sharing research on particular topics and enhancing knowledge regarding that topic from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
scientists of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Apart from this, organizations will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge profits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
barriers will not be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
issue for them and it will be easy for them to research on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and their mindsets and expand in their country.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are
directly
connected to one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
with vanishing itself with the extinction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there will be no one to preserve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will lose their identity with the death of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
language and
they will feel inferior towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as lower value in front of native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will create a hierarchy in society. Adding more to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will have more dominance towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who lost their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. Such as English is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are showing like America and Britain are influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.

To recapitulate, it can
be said
that this issue has both the aspects having an individual value and neither of them. Can
be stated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
my point of view has shown the more significant value to me.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The two maps show an island, before and after the construction for a tourism purpose.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
446 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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