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In some countries where the unemployment rate are high, most students should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

In some countries where the unemployment rate are high, most students should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding jobs. v. 2
It is sometimes argued that in countries which the unemployed phenomenon is prevalent, they should be only offered basic education. While I agree with this point of view, I do not believe that further education is not necessary for them. To embark on, people who have no career prospects should be only received elementary education. On the individual level, they do not need to be consumed with learning because secondary education will not assist them in life. For example, natural subjects or social subjects in secondary school do not relate to those who will have no hope of finding jobs. From the economic perspective, the fee which is paid for studying will reduce and people can use that buck to support a family. Moreover, the government will replace the investment of the basic services in education to other fields. However, the personal and economic arguments given above can be seen as the opposite angle. Firstly, the criminal activities often arise from the increased number in people who dropped out of school. As a result, not only the unemployment rate is increased, but also highly wrong acts. Secondly, countries where the index of educational development is low, they will be obsolete and perhaps leading to the serious consequence that is invaded by other countries. Therefore, this trend is becoming a negative one. In conclusion, the idea of just learning primary education has both positive and detrimental effects on society, individuals and on the economy.
It is
sometimes
argued that in countries which the unemployed phenomenon is prevalent, they should be
only
offered basic
education
. While I
agree
with this point of view, I do not believe that
further
education
is not necessary for them.

To embark on,
people
who have no career prospects should be
only
received elementary
education
. On the individual level, they do not need to
be consumed
with learning
because
secondary
education
will not assist them in life.
For example
, natural subjects or social subjects in secondary school do not relate to those who will have no hope of finding jobs. From the economic perspective, the fee which
is paid
for studying will
reduce
and
people
can
use
that buck to support a family.
Moreover
, the
government
will replace the investment of the basic services in
education
to other fields.

However
, the personal and economic arguments
given
above can be
seen
as the opposite angle.
Firstly
, the criminal activities
often
arise from the increased number in
people
who dropped out of school.
As a result
, not
only
the unemployment rate
is increased
,
but
also
highly
wrong
acts.
Secondly
, countries where the index of educational development is low, they will be obsolete and perhaps leading to the serious consequence that
is invaded
by other countries.
Therefore
, this trend is becoming a
negative
one.

In conclusion
, the
idea
of
just
learning primary
education
has both
positive
and detrimental effects on society, individuals and on the economy.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
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IELTS essay In some countries where the unemployment rate are high, most students should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding jobs. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
243 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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