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‘Because so much information is available on the internet today, traditional secondary schools and teachers are no longer necessary. ’ Do you agree with this statement? v.1

‘Because so much information is available on the internet today, traditional secondary schools and teachers are no longer necessary. ’ v. 1
Technological advancement brings about people more easily to get access to acquire knowledge from the internet. There is a tendency to believe that the role of conventional secondary schools and teachers can be replaced by the internet. Yet, I do not agree with the statement as attending school still has its significance. It is beyond question that reading and collecting information are so convenient nowadays. What we learn from schools, such as the language courses as well as other modules like mathematics, history and physics, actually the same if we spend time to google it. The internet indeed provides a useful and effective platform for learning. In reality, the learning outcome of traditional secondary schools is not just acquiring knowledge from textbooks, but also to cultivate a student to be a well-rounded person. In this way, sitting in front of the computer cannot achieve this goal. What I am going to address is not the evaluation of online teaching, but highlighting that secondary schools act like a shadow of the society as there are interactions between different people like their schoolmates and teachers. In addition, there is a better learning experience in schools because students’ interpersonal skills will be trained through communication with others. Traditional schools may exert a high level of pressure to students as they have to finish numerous assignments. In the meantime, it is a good way for them to develop their time management so as to overcome difficulties. Without secondary schools and teachers, students can only know how to use a computer, but lack a chance to communicate with others. There are two faces in a coin. Learning from the internet provides convenience for learning while conventional schools and teachers help students adapt in the society in the future. As the latter one has more advantages, I believe that traditional secondary schools and teachers are still essential in today’s society.
Technological advancement brings about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more
easily
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to acquire knowledge from the internet. There is a tendency to believe that the role of conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can
be replaced
by the internet.
Yet
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement as attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
still
has its significance.

It is beyond question that reading and collecting information are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
convenient nowadays. What we learn from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, such as the language courses
as well
as other modules like mathematics, history and physics, actually the same if we spend time to google it. The internet
indeed
provides a useful and effective platform for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
. In reality, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
outcome of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
acquiring knowledge from textbooks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to cultivate a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to be a well-rounded person. In this way, sitting in front of the computer cannot achieve this goal.

What I am going to address is not the evaluation of online teaching,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
highlighting that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
act like a shadow of the society as there are interactions between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like their schoolmates and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
In addition
, there is a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
experience in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
be trained
through communication with others. Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
may exert a high level of pressure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
finish numerous assignments. In the meantime, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way for them to develop their time management
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
overcome difficulties. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lack a chance to communicate with others.

There are two faces in a coin.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Learning
from the internet provides convenience for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
while conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
adapt in the society in the future. As the latter one has more advantages, I believe that traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are
still
essential in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay ‘Because so much information is available on the internet today, traditional secondary schools and teachers are no longer necessary. ’ v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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