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Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person s income The health of a person is in their own hands and they should therefore be held accountable for that Do you agree with this opinion v.1

Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person s income The health of a person is in their own hands and they should therefore be held accountable for that Do you agree with this opinion v. 1
The shown statement argued that because people should take full responsibility for their own health, government are not supposed to offer free health care for citizens. This view is awfully wrongheaded, and I am strongly against it. First of all, there are enormous factors which affect the health of a person that it is simply biased to blame individuals for their health problems. Environmental issues, for example, are also detrimental to personal health. A real life proof is that there are thousands of people in Japan who suffered from the Fukushima accident which resulted from radiation leak of nuclear power plant. In this case, it is the government who should be held accountable for the health of citizens rather than individuals. How could government walk away from the responsibility to offer health care for the victims? Furthermore, the fast development of capitalism as well as corporate lobbyist meddling in legislation has significantly reshaped the health, medicine and insurance industry, which unfortunately makes it incredibly expensive for the working class to access affordable health care. In fact, the health insurance company commonly abuse their information advantage over devastating patients, which usually causes them extra financial pressure to get reasonable insurance coverage. An outrageous example is a hedge fund manager purchased the patent of an effective AIDs medicine to raise the price from $13. 5 to $750, in order to make a fortune out of the suffering of patients. Therefore, government as lawmaker is crucial for protecting unprivileged citizens from greedy corporations. Not to mention the basic role of government is to serve for the wellbeing of its people regardless of their social classes. It is defiantly irresponsible for the government to avoid to take care of public health.
The shown statement argued that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should take full responsibility for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
are not supposed to offer free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for citizens. This view is awfully wrongheaded, and I am
strongly
against it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are enormous factors which affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of a person that it is
simply
biased to blame individuals for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. Environmental issues,
for example
, are
also
detrimental to personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. A real life proof is that there are thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Japan who suffered from the Fukushima accident which resulted from radiation leak of nuclear power plant.
In this case
, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
who should
be held
accountable for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of citizens
rather
than individuals. How could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
walk away from the responsibility to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for the victims?

Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
development of capitalism
as well
as corporate lobbyist meddling in legislation has
significantly
reshaped the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, medicine and insurance industry, which unfortunately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
incredibly
expensive for the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
to access affordable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
commonly
abuse their information advantage over devastating patients, which
usually
causes them extra financial pressure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
reasonable insurance coverage. An outrageous example is a hedge fund manager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
the patent of an effective
Possible spelling mistake found.
AIDs
medicine to raise the price from $13. 5 to $750, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a fortune out of the suffering of patients.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as lawmaker is crucial for protecting unprivileged citizens from greedy corporations.

Not to mention the basic role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is to serve for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
of its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
regardless of their social classes. It is
defiantly
irresponsible for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
The verb 'avoid' is used with the gerund form: "avoid taking".
avoid to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person s income The health of a person is in their own hands and they should therefore be held accountable for that Do you agree with this opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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