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Many parents complain about violence promoted their children through video games, TV programs and other media. Why is it happening? What can be the solution for it? v.2

There’s a growing dismay by parents concerning the promotion of violence to their children through video games, Tv programs and other media devices. In this 21st century, children are addicted to electronic devices, and I’ll suggest that parents should censor the contents their children consume in the media channels. Firstly, parents should ensure that adolescent children shouldn’t play electronic games that contains violent characters. These animated characters have a huge influence on their everyday life. A good example is a video game called Mortal Combat with a plethora of characters that are chosen and a battle is fought to decide a winner. The danger to children that play this game regularly is that they tend to be violent amongst their peers. Parents should confiscate all video games that promotes violence from their children until they’re matured enough to play games. Secondly, age censorship should be adhered to by parents at all times to control the contents children watch on TV. This also goes beyond TV programs, the electronic gadgets of their children should also be censored. In recent times, there has been a lot of effort from Cable companies with regards parental control. There has been massive promotions on how parents and activate these options via the remote control. A big problem is that some parents are not computer literate and mostly rely on these kids to operate these gadgets for them. Lastly, the children should be taught how to develop the habit of reading during leisure time instead of being addicted to playing video games that promotes violence. They should also be encouraged to participate in outdoor games. For example, parents should register their children in any sports club like a volleyball team, this will rather ensure they live a healthy life. In conclusion, parents should always censor the content of programs children watch on TV, video games which contains violent characters should be confiscated and parents should encourage their children to develop the habit of reading. These are some solutions I think can control the amount of violence promoted content consumed by their children.
There’s a growing dismay by
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parents
concerning the promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
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Tv
programs and other media devices. In this 21st century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addicted
to electronic devices, and I’ll suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should censor the contents their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
consume in the media channels.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should ensure that adolescent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
shouldn’t play electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that contains violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
. These animated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
have a huge influence on their everyday life. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game called Mortal Combat with a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
that
are chosen
and a battle
is fought
to decide a winner. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that play this game
regularly
is that they tend to be violent amongst their peers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should confiscate all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
until they’re matured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Secondly
, age censorship should
be adhered
to by
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parents
at all times to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
the contents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on TV. This
also
goes beyond TV programs, the electronic gadgets of their
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children
should
also
be censored
. In recent times, there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort from Cable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with regards parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
. There has been massive promotions on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and activate these options via the remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
control
. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
computer literate
and
mostly
rely on these kids to operate these gadgets for them.
Lastly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
how to develop the habit of reading during leisure time
instead
of
being addicted
to playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that promotes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. They should
also
be encouraged
to participate in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should register their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in any sports club like a volleyball team, this will
rather
ensure they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should always censor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
of programs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on TV,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which contains violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
characters
should
be confiscated
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to develop the habit of reading. These are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
can
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control
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
promoted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
consumed by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Many parents complain about violence promoted to their children through video games, TV programs and other media. Why is it happening? What can be the solution for it?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
346 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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