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He born 5 February 1985 is a Portuguese professional footballer who plays as a forward for Spanish club Real Madrid and the Portugal national team. v.1

He born 5 February 1985 is a Portuguese professional footballer who plays as a forward for Spanish club Real Madrid and the Portugal national team. v. 1
In contemporary societies, governments spend a large part of their budget not only on public services, but also the arts. Although I agree that it is important to invest in communal facilities, arts should not be neglected. Without doubt, there are several reasons why public services should be a governmental budget priority. First and foremost, hospitals, roads and schools determine quality of life. In other words, ensuring that a large proportion of government money is spent on public services is the only way to maintain standards and accessibility for everyone. Taking the UK as an example, the government has recently reduced public spending on health and education, resulting in increased waiting lists for hospital treatments and fewer teachers, both of which will have further adverse effects in the future. Nevertheless, there are a myriad of reasons why also the arts deserve financial support. It goes without saying that it is difficult for many arts institutions to generate much profit considering that people are not prepared to pay high entrance fees for places such as art galleries or theatres. Therefore, without some help from the authorities, these places may have to close. In addition, the arts have an important impact on our quality of life, with many people getting great pleasure in going to see music and theatre performances. Furthermore, the arts help to keep our culture and history alive for future generations as seen in operas and theatrical works. To conclude, even though the majority of government spending should be channeled towards public services, spending money on the arts is not a waste and should continue. I am of the opinion that balance is required to ensure public services are maintained whilst the arts remain available to all.
In contemporary societies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
spend a large part of their budget not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to invest in communal facilities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
should not
be neglected
.

Without doubt, there are several reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
should be a governmental budget priority.
First
and foremost, hospitals, roads and schools determine quality of life.
In other words
, ensuring that a large proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
money
is spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to maintain standards and accessibility for everyone. Taking the UK as an example, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
spending on health and education, resulting in increased waiting lists for hospital treatments and fewer teachers, both of which will have
further
adverse effects in the future.

Nevertheless
, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "myriads"?
myriad
of reasons why
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
deserve financial support. It goes without saying that it is difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
institutions to generate much profit considering that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not prepared to pay high entrance fees for places such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
galleries or
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
.
Therefore
, without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the authorities, these places may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
close.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
impact on our quality of life, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting great pleasure in going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
performances.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our culture and history alive for future generations as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in operas and theatrical works.

To conclude
,
even though
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spending should
be channeled
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, spending money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is not a waste and should continue. I am of the opinion that balance
is required
to ensure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are maintained
whilst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
remain available to all.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay He born 5 February 1985 is a Portuguese professional footballer who plays as a forward for Spanish club Real Madrid and the Portugal national team. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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