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He born 5 February 1985 is a Portuguese professional footballer who plays as a forward for Spanish club Real Madrid and the Portugal national team. v.2

He born 5 February 1985 is a Portuguese professional footballer who plays as a forward for Spanish club Real Madrid and the Portugal national team. v. 2
By and large, the contemporary age is no strange to the notion of friendships and its importance in such a competitive world. Without having some stunning friends, it depends on chance or exceptional talents of people that they can make some obvious improvements. In this regard, some people argue that keeping to live in one place and maintaining friendships with the same people is of greater importance, as compared with the case when we relocate, while others take issue with this viewpoint. Notwithstanding differences, in my view, moving to newer place during the time can permit us to face some great occasions. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs. To begin with, by moving to a new city or country, we can be provided with more opportunities to make further money in comparison with the time when we would live in the former place. Money is the basic requirement for life without which one cannot imagine a peaceful and healthy lifestyle. In the modern time, where the growth of civilization is going too fast and following the western culture, we need even more money to handle our day to day life. Going to a new place, we can confront with much better chances to make some remarkable money, including finding a job in a wealthy company, sharing money with someone else, and investing in a great construction project. Secondly, based on my observations, with going to a new place, we can learn to communicate better with others, thus increasing the possibility of finding new golden opportunities in the not-so-distant future. If one is going to improve his or her bottom lines, such as impressing others by our objectives, training to improve our communication skills is the best place to start. In order to ensure that you are able to convey your message effectively, you need to communicate properly with the other person. If you are not capable of communicating your message clear as well as loud to the other individual, he/ she will not be able to perceive the true meaning as well as a motive behind your message. Moving to a new place can allow us to exploit new chances to communicate better with other people, such as our instructors, managers, and friends. All in all, as mentioned above, moving to a newer place can allow us to make more money and to communicate better with others. In spite of that, both moving to a new place and remaining in a place for a long time have some pros and cons. To choose one over another would be a personal preference based on the one’s needs, ambitions, and desires.
By and large, the contemporary age is no strange to the notion of friendships and its importance in such a competitive world. Without having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stunning friends, it depends on chance or exceptional talents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious improvements. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that keeping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and maintaining friendships with the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
of greater importance, as compared with the case when we relocate, while others take issue with this viewpoint. Notwithstanding differences, in my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to newer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can permit us to face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
great occasions. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
city or country, we can
be provided
with more opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in comparison
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when we would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is the basic requirement for life without which one cannot imagine a peaceful and healthy lifestyle. In the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, where the growth of civilization is going too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and following the western culture, we need even more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to handle our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life. Going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, we can confront with much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remarkable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, including finding a job in a wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
with someone else, and investing in a great construction project.

Secondly
, based on my observations, with going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, we can learn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
with others,
thus
increasing the possibility of finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
golden opportunities in the not-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-distant future. If one is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
bottom lines, such as impressing others by our objectives, training to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
. In order to ensure that you are able to convey your message
effectively
, you need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
properly
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
person. If you are not capable of communicating your message
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
as well
as loud to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
individual, he/ she will not be able to perceive the true meaning
as well
as a motive behind your message.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Moving
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to exploit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
chances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as our instructors, managers, and friends.

All in all, as mentioned above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to a newer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communicate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
with others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
that, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
and remaining in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pros and cons. To choose one over another would be a personal preference based on the one’s needs, ambitions, and desires.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay He born 5 February 1985 is a Portuguese professional footballer who plays as a forward for Spanish club Real Madrid and the Portugal national team. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
449 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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