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Some people think that residents should responsible for keeping their areas clean and tidy, while others say it is the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and state your own opinion. v.1

Some people think that residents should responsible for keeping their areas clean and tidy, while others say it is the government’s responsibility. v. 1
We live in a fast-paced world and films are considered our biggest source of entertainment. Some people prefer to watch movies through different electronic gadgets, while others opine that watching them in movie theatres is an entirely different experience. From my point of view, watching films in cinemas is extremely amusing and healthier since using mobiles for this purpose, although being cheaper, entails some health issues. On the one hand, the technical advancement of mobile phones and the new smart privilege has lured many people to watch films on them. Admittedly, it is very convenient and time saving! For example, you can have a nice film while commuting to work rather than spending a whole night to go out. Moreover, it is much cheaper to download different and numerous movies on your phone, as not only you have to pay for the high-priced ticket of cinemas, but also you do for transportation, popcorn and other leisure items. On the other hand, watching movies on silver screen is a big enjoyment. This is primarily due to the better perception via enormous screens and sound systems. For instance, many people complain of the bad quality of pirated computer films. Furthermore, many health problems have been reported from spending long hours using tabs and smart phones, such as eye strain and stiffness of neck and shoulders. In conclusion, although using our phones to watch films is incredible as for time and money saving, I believe that it would entail some health problems, lower quality and a less-pleasurable experience.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world and films
are considered
our biggest source of entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
electronic gadgets, while others opine that watching them in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
is an
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
experience. From my point of view, watching films in cinemas is
extremely
amusing and healthier since using mobiles for this purpose, although being cheaper, entails
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health issues.

On the one hand, the technical advancement of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the new smart privilege has lured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films on them.
Admittedly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient and time saving!
For example
, you can have a nice film while commuting to work
rather
than spending a whole night to go out.
Moreover
, it is much cheaper to download
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, as not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for the high-priced ticket of cinemas,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
you do for transportation, popcorn and other leisure items.

On the other hand
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
on silver screen is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
enjoyment. This is
primarily
due to the better perception via enormous screens and sound systems.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
complain of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
quality of pirated computer films.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
health problems have
been reported
from spending long hours using tabs and smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, such as eye strain and stiffness of neck and shoulders.

In conclusion
, although using our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
films is incredible as for time and money saving, I believe that it would entail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems, lower quality and a less-pleasurable experience.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that residents should responsible for keeping their areas clean and tidy, while others say it is the government’s responsibility. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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