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Describe an experience you had as a member of a team - What it was? - Who were the members of the team? - What role did you play in this team? - And explain how you achieved your goal? v.1

Describe an experience you had as a member of a team - What it was? - Who were the members of the team? - What role did you play in this team? - And explain how you achieved your goal? v. 1
- I am working as a site coordinator at Tepperman’s, basically a retail company and my department called the e-commerce department. - There are 4 people in our group my supervisor Mario, manager Isabel, director Kelly and myself. - I am burning the candle from both ends to develop my career in this field since I got hired. However, I got the chance to prove myself as an extraordinary person, few months ago. - We had opened our new store in Ancaster, Ontario, Aug 2019. To promote this store on our website we had been given a project called “Ancaster store”. - Our e-commerce team was very dedicated to this project as we were only 4 people who manages the user experience of the website. - My job in the project was about to create a website banner with promotions of the store and discounts given at a time of opening. - Isabel, the manager gave me a deadline of 1 month to create promotional prices for the furniture, electronics, and mattresses. - I also had to manage a contest called “enter to win Ancaster”. The draw was for 5K in Tepperman’s gift card so people were crazy for the contests, therefore, I got so many entries, more than 8000. I have updated their information such as names, emails, contact numbers, and cities, in the spreadsheet for the day of a draw just in a week. - I also had to create static pages with all the information of contest and rules & regulation. - Time given to me was very limited, therefore, I didn’t take any break and also worked overtime to get everything done before the deadline. - Everyone, in my company, was very happy with my work as it has increased the number of customers and sales as well. - I was so proud of myself because I had to fulfil this goal to be successful in my career as it was my first job and the first task as well. - From this task, I have got lots of self-confidence and faith in my own self.
Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
I am working as a site coordinator at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tepperman
’s,
basically
a retail
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and my department called the e-commerce department.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
There are 4
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in our group my supervisor Mario, manager Isabel, director Kelly and
Please check whether you should use the object pronoun "me".
myself
.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
I am burning the candle from both ends to develop my career in this field since I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
hired.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
the chance to prove myself as an extraordinary person, few months ago.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
We had opened our new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ancaster
, Ontario, Aug 2019. To promote this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
on our website we had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a project called “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ancaster
store”.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
Our e-commerce team was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dedicated to this project as we were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
4
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Did you mean "manage"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
manages
the user experience of the website.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
My job in the project was about to create a website banner with promotions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
and discounts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
at a time of opening.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
Isabel, the manager gave me a deadline of 1 month to create promotional prices for the furniture, electronics, and mattresses.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
I
also
had to manage a contest called “enter to win
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ancaster
”. The draw was for 5K in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tepperman
’s gift card
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were crazy for the contests,
therefore
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
entries, more than 8000. I have updated their information such as names, emails, contact numbers, and cities, in the spreadsheet for the day of a draw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in a week.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
I
also
had to create static pages with all the information of contest and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
& regulation.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
Time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to me was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited,
therefore
, I didn’t take any break and
also
worked overtime to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
everything done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the deadline.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
Everyone, in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy with my work as it has increased the number of customers and sales
as well
.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
proud of myself
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I had to fulfil this goal to be successful in my career as it was my
first
job and the
first
task
as well
.

Consider using an m-dash in dialogues and enumerations.
-
From this task, I have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
lots of self-confidence and faith in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe an experience you had as a member of a team - What it was? - Who were the members of the team? - What role did you play in this team? - And explain how you achieved your goal? v. 1

Essay
  American English
13 paragraphs
350 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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