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Employers should give long holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Employers should give long holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. v. 3
Tertiary education is very important today for a nation that desires to grow in various fields, so, according to many, university should allocate equal quotas for male and female applicants. In my view, I consider that students should be admitted based on merit as this would in the long run develop society maximally by producing skilled and knowledgeable graduates. An important point to consider, why universities must not admit equal numbers of male and female students is that, this would be discriminatory. For instance, if you have around 70% of males applying for university admission and there is a policy to take in same quota for male and female, a good proportion of male applicant would be deprived of higher education. Hence, admission into universities should be on merit as this would prevent prejudice against applicants. A second reason to examine is that, having equal university quotas for male and female students would not benefit society. For example, admitting students based on quota would exclude a large proportion of qualified applicants. Consequently, this would impact negatively on a nation's economy as less qualified graduates would be produced by universities. Furthermore, the effect on society would be devastating as there would be a rise in the numbers of restive young adults thereby leading to an increase in crime rate. In conclusion, in as much as university education is of utmost importance to a nation's growth, I believe that qualified candidates should be offered university admission, rather than admitting based on equal quotas, as this would eventually provide well skilled and knowledgeable graduates that would contribute positively to society.
Tertiary education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
for a nation that desires to grow in various fields,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quotas
for male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
applicants. In my view, I consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be admitted
based on merit as this would in the long run develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
maximally
by producing skilled and knowledgeable graduates.

An
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point to consider, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not admit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
numbers of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is that, this would be discriminatory.
For instance
, if you have around 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
applying for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
admission and there is a policy to take in same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quota
for male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
proportion of male applicant would
be deprived
of higher education.
Hence
, admission into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should be on merit as this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
prejudice against applicants.

A second reason to examine is that, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quotas
for male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would not benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, admitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quota
would exclude a large proportion of qualified applicants.
Consequently
, this would impact
negatively
on a nation's economy as less qualified graduates would
be produced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
Furthermore
, the effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
would be devastating as there would be a rise in the numbers of restive young adults thereby leading to an increase in crime rate.

In conclusion
, in as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education is of utmost importance to a nation's growth, I believe that qualified candidates should
be offered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
admission,
rather
than admitting based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quotas
, as this would
eventually
provide well skilled and knowledgeable graduates that would contribute
positively
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Employers should give long holidays to employees to encourage them to do their job well. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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