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Having more money and less free time is better than earning money and having more free>Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.1

Having more money and less free time is better than earning money and having more free> v. 1
In this rapidly changing world, a lot of individuals prefer to spend their time making enough money whereas some believe spending quality time is far better than earning money. In my opinion, I believe that devoting time to make adequate money is beneficial for our upcoming days. This essay will discuss both points of view. It is agreed that having more money truly reflects safe and healthier lifestyle for which a lot of people devotes their valuable time for. People supporting this view states that one should efficiently spend their enormous amount of time earning more figures. Consequently, this helps to achieve quality of life for the person as well as his/her upcoming family members. For instance, about 80 percent of employee in the US takes retirement only after their 50’s in order to make much money to support themselves later. On the other side, people believe that life is not only about making money, it is more about enjoying and creating memories. Despite earning money, a person should also learn important life skills and gain experience in different activities. In addition, people will have more time to recreate memories with their loved ones and maintain healthy lifestyle which is a key factor in living a quality life. To conclude, there are equal arguments on both side of the debate, but enjoying valuable time rather than making money would surely be a mistake. However, people should also give priority to live a well maintained and healthy life during their money making phase.
In this
rapidly
changing world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
individuals prefer to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe spending quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is far better than earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my opinion, I believe that devoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is beneficial for our upcoming days. This essay will discuss both points of view.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
truly
reflects safe and healthier lifestyle for which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
devotes their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
supporting this view states that one should
efficiently
spend their enormous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
earning more figures.
Consequently
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to achieve quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for the person
as well
as his/her upcoming family members.
For instance
, about 80 percent of employee in the US takes retirement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
after their
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "50s".
50’s
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to support themselves later.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, it is more about enjoying and creating memories. Despite earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, a person should
also
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and gain experience in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to recreate memories with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones and maintain healthy lifestyle which is a key factor in living a quality life.

To conclude
, there are equal arguments on both side of the debate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
enjoying valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
rather
than making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
would
surely
be a mistake.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
also
give priority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a well maintained and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
making phase.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Having more money and less free time is better than earning money and having more free> v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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