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having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.4

having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 4
Have a super busy life and lots of money is preferable rather than having a lot of free time and not enough money. I believe having a busy life with enough money is better than the other way around. Both perspectives have their advantages and disadvantages. Nowadays, in this century, people are living their lives in a very hectic way. Everyone is becoming workaholic and aiming high. Work is taking so much time from peoples' lives, additionally, they are not having enough time for leisure. Consequently, working continuously is bringing them high flow incomes. Having a high wage is satisfying since they are able to do whatever they want, anytime. Earning less, on the other hand, is limiting people the activities that they can afford to do. To illustrate more, not having a good salary and a lot of free time can lead to nowhere, unless time is consumed wisely. People can work and educate themselves even more during their free time in order to progress and achieve their set goals. In my opinion, I think having limited leisure time and working hard to earn more money is better since we live at a time where one needs money in order to live and cover their personal needs. For example, food, house appliances, health and car insurances and so on. . To conclude, being productive is very important and makes people reach their goal, but it is not enough. Earning money and making a living is a very critical factor too, as previously mentioned.
Have a super busy life and lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is preferable
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a busy life with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is better than the other way around. Both perspectives have their advantages and disadvantages.

Nowadays, in this century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are living their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
hectic way. Everyone is becoming workaholic and aiming high. Work is taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from peoples'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
additionally
, they are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for leisure.
Consequently
, working
continuously
is bringing them high flow incomes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
a high wage is satisfying since they are able to do whatever they want, anytime.

Earning less,
on the other hand
, is limiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the activities that they can afford to do. To illustrate more, not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can lead to nowhere, unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is consumed
wisely
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can work and educate themselves even more during their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in order to progress and achieve their set goals.

In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
limited leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is better since we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
at a
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
one needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and cover their personal needs.
For example
, food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
appliances, health and car insurances and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


To conclude
, being productive is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reach their goal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enough
. Earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and making a living is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
critical factor too, as previously mentioned.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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