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Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion? v.1

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 1
The majority of people think that having abundant money and less free time is the best way to spend life. However, some think that, earning enough money and investing more time for life is another way of living leisure life. In my opinion, both points have their own positive as well as negative aspects, but spending more quality spells with enough money is always better in order to find satisfaction in life. To begin with, money in the form of the cash or property balances the lives in every way. Life will be more stress-free if we have a huge amount of cash to buy anything we want or just simply spend on normal things such as clothes, shoes, designer jewelry etc. However, on the other side of the coin, we should accept that there will be less time for family and friends, which is sometimes critical to handle when it comes to the personal relations or family level. This statement can be understood clearly by this example, according to a survey reported in the Times journal about the rich people’s life and its state, that 37% of rich families have poor family relations due to less leisure time with their loved one. Nevertheless, the people who really love to give their maximum time in order to enjoy their relations with less income result in satisfying life too. But, sometimes or most of the times they have to compromise their life in term of shopping, luxurious things, home, cars, bikes and clothes etc. Let’s review an example, the television and media company Sony interviewed around 500 middle-class families in their show named leisure. They have been asked several questions about money-life and satisfaction index, and then they came to conclude that, the people were so happy with enough money and they really do enjoy their relations and family time. In conclusion, money cannot buy happiness and healthy relations which clearly expounds that, earning lower income and enjoying more time with loved ones are always better than the more money and less free time.
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the best way to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
,
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some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
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money
and investing more
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time
for
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life
is another way of living leisure
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life
. In my opinion, both points have their
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own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
spending more quality spells with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is always better in order to find satisfaction in life.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
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money
in the form of the cash or property balances the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in every way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
will be more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free if we have a huge amount of cash to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything we want or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
spend on normal things such as clothes, shoes, designer jewelry etc.
However
, on the other side of the coin, we should accept that there will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
critical to handle when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
level. This statement can
be understood
clearly
by this example, according to a survey reported in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
journal about the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and its state, that 37% of rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
have poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
one.

Nevertheless
, the
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people
who
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to give their maximum
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time
in order to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
income result in satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
or most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compromise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in term of shopping, luxurious things, home, cars, bikes and clothes etc.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s review an example, the television and media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Sony interviewed around 500 middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
named leisure. They have
been asked
several questions about money-life and satisfaction index, and then they came
to conclude
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they
really
do enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
time.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
happiness and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relations
which
clearly
expounds that, earning lower income and enjoying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones are always better than the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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