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Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.6

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 6
Nowadays, the awareness about work-life balance is increasing among the working population. There are people who prefer to earn money at the cost of giving up leisure time. On the other hand, some people value time more than monetary achievements. In this essay, I will discuss both opinions and also how striking a balance between these two is important. To begin with, toiling hard for money without having a hobby or resting time is popular in developing countries work culture. For example, in countries like India and Pakistan, it is very common to pick up extra shifts over the weekend to earn extra cash. In fact, people sink themselves in work to the extent of forgetting how to socialize. Although some people prefer this lifestyle due to personal preferences, majority of employees are stuck in this vicious cycle because of financial needs. On the other hand, a set of people strongly believe that earning is only a small part of life. They are ready to earn little less in order to have some additional time to go on a vacation or just to relax at home. In evidence to this, there are nations like France who recently introduced a 6 hour work day officially. Definitely, this will benefit people who pursue education or a sport along with a career. However, people have to be careful that laziness or boredom doesn’t take over their lives in the longer run. To summarize, some additional time is good for pursuing useful hobbies for ambitious people who want to grow outside of their career. This idea cannot be generalized as some people’s interest are work and only work. In order to maintain a healthy, active and satisfying life, it is important for people to have a good balance between work and free time.
Nowadays, the awareness about work-life balance is increasing among the working population. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
prefer to earn money at the cost of giving up leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more than monetary achievements. In this essay, I will discuss both opinions and
also
how striking a balance between
The verb 'is' is singular. Did you mean the plural (are or were)?
these two is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, toiling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for money without having a hobby or resting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is popular in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
culture.
For example
, in countries like India and Pakistan, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common to pick up extra shifts over the weekend to earn extra cash. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sink themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to the extent of forgetting how to socialize. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer this lifestyle due to personal preferences,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
employees
are stuck
in this vicious cycle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of financial needs.

On the other hand
, a set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
strongly
believe that earning is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
part of life. They are ready to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
less in order to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to go on a vacation or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to relax at home. In evidence to this, there are nations like France
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
recently introduced a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "6-hour"
6 hour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
day
officially
. Definitely, this will benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
pursue education or a sport along with a career.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be careful that laziness or boredom doesn’t take over their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the longer run.

To summarize
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for pursuing useful hobbies for ambitious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to grow
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their career. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
cannot
be generalized
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
interest are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In order to maintain a healthy, active and satisfying life, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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