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Young generations prefer to marry and have children when they become 30 and above and they no longer start their marriage and family life at a young age. Do you agree with this? v.1

Young generations prefer to marry and have children when they become 30 and above and they no longer start their marriage and family life at a young age. Do you agree with this? v. 1
Nowadays, youth decide to raise their own families at the age of thirties. Youngsters believe that they should think about their own children later in life. I agree that men and women should decide to commence their union at mid thirties and there are two reasons that will be explained below. The first reason, women enjoy learning and educating. When they finish their high school, they continue learning in universties and taking degrees like bachelor, masters and doctorate. Moreover, women have become more indepenent as they started to work and to make there own buisness. In other words, they have become self-made women so it is hard to mix between raising a home, getting pregnant and following up their own buisness. As a result they choose to be married after they be fully satisfied. This can be witnessed by the famous Lebanese presenter Raya Abirached who completed her education and started her career first before raising a family. Hence, it is correct to delay making an own home in order to achieve goals. The second reason, nowadays, the cost of the living is high; there is a price inflation. As a result, men spent most of their time working in order to save money to purchase an appartment. Additionally, the cost of marriage is also high because of the increasing of the gadget’s prices and furniture. In Egypt, for example, youth start to get married not before the age of 35 due to the price inflationary pressure. Having given these reasons, it is believed that the marriage at the age of therties is better than that in twenties. In conclusion, after the essay has shown the reasons that youth choose to marry in later in life. I am of the belief that men and women should raise their own home and children after they be sufficiently qualified of themselves.
Nowadays, youth decide to raise their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
families at the age of thirties. Youngsters believe that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
children later in life. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should decide to commence their union at mid thirties and there are two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
below.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
enjoy learning and educating. When they finish their high school, they continue learning in
Possible spelling mistake found.
universties
and taking degrees like bachelor, masters and doctorate.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have become more
Possible spelling mistake found.
indepenent
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to work and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
buisness
.
In other words
, they have become self-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to mix between raising a home, getting pregnant and following up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
buisness
.
As a result
they choose to
be married
after they be
fully
satisfied. This can
be witnessed
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Lebanese presenter
Possible spelling mistake found.
Raya
Possible spelling mistake found.
Abirached
who completed her education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
her career
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
raising a family.
Hence
, it is correct to delay making an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home in order to achieve goals.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, nowadays, the cost of the living is high; there is a price inflation.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
spent most of their time working in order to save money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
an
Possible spelling mistake found.
appartment
.
Additionally
, the cost of marriage is
also
high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing of the gadget’s prices and furniture. In Egypt,
for example
, youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the age of 35 due to the price inflationary pressure. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, it
is believed
that the marriage at the age of
Possible spelling mistake found.
therties
is better than that in twenties.

In conclusion
, after the essay has shown the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that youth choose to marry in later in life. I am of the belief that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should raise their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home and children after they be
sufficiently
qualified of themselves.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Young generations prefer to marry and have children when they become 30 and above and they no longer start their marriage and family life at a young age. Do you agree with this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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