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More students are travelling abroad for further education. Do you believe the advantages of this experience are greater than the drawbacks associated with it? v.2

There have been an increasing number of students travelling internationally for further education in recent years. Whereas some people argue that studying abroad is a very positive experience, others suggest that there are several problems associated for it. I believe that the advantages of a study-abroad experience outweigh the drawbacks. First of all, a study-abroad trip offers the opportunity to experience education in a new culture. For example, the Erasmus program allows Spanish students to attend university in The United Kingdom. These students can develop English language skills of the country they are visiting. Furthermore, they can learn in a system that is different to that of their home country. This is a truly invaluable experience for any person wishing to enrich their education.

There have been an increasing number of students travelling internationally
 for further
 education in recent years. Whereas This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:a number of
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :individualsnationsociety
people
 argue that studying abroad is a This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:extremelyimmenselysupremelysuperb
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:beneficial
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it withtrainingmaturitypracticeunderstandingwisdompatience
experience
, others suggest that there are several problems associated for it. I believe that the advantages of a study-abroad You use this word too often, consider replacing it withtrainingmaturitypracticeunderstandingwisdompatience
experience
 outweigh the drawbacks.

Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.First
First of all
, a study-abroad trip offers the opportunity to You use this word too often, consider replacing it withtrainingmaturitypracticeunderstandingwisdompatience
experience
 education in a new culture. For example
, the Erasmus program This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :authorizes
allows
 Spanish students to attend university in The United Kingdom. These students can develop English language This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :proficiencies
skills
 of the country they are visiting. Furthermore
, they can learn in a system that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:various
different
 to that of their home country. This is a truly
 invaluable You use this word too often, consider replacing it withtrainingmaturitypracticeunderstandingwisdompatience
experience
 for any person wishing to enrich their education. 