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Having money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.1

Having money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 1
Money is the most important subject that runs the present world. It is the only thing for which most of the people strive to lead their lives happily. In my opinion, both money and time are important for every individual. Lets discuss about the aspects about the importance of time and money in one's life in the present study. In the first scenario, if an individual has money and less free time it would affect the personal life of the individual and leads to chaos. To eradicate it one can increase the free time by spending more money to buy time. For example, a writer can ask a typist to help to write a novel who will reduce his work and increase his efficiency and also free time. On the other hand, in the second scenario, if the person has a lot of free time and no money he would die for example a beggar has a lot of leisure time, but he earns nothing and may die of hunger some day, unless he had a little money. If that is the case the person cannot have more free time because any person who like to have a splendid and happy life need money, which has to be earned and thus the extra free time is spent for earning money and in his free time he would spend the money to make his living comfortable. In simpler words a person who workaholic can't have more leisure time and a person who has more leisure time will not lead a happy life. To conclude the discussion, I would say that a sufficient amount of money to lead a happy and leisure life is best than both the scenario given above.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subject that runs the present world. It is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing for which most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
strive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
happily
. In my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every individual.
Did you mean "Let's" (let's = let us; lets = 3rd person singular of 'let')?
Lets
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
aspects about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the present study.

In the
first
scenario, if an individual has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
it would affect the personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of the individual and leads to chaos. To eradicate it one can increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, a writer can ask a typist to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to write a novel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
his work and increase his efficiency and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time.

On the other hand
, in the second scenario, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
he would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
for example
a beggar has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he earns nothing and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
of hunger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
day, unless he had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. If
that is
the case the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
cannot have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
like to have a splendid and happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be earned
and
thus
the extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is spent
for earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
he would spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his living comfortable. In simpler words a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
A noun should not follow 'who'. Try changing to a verb or maybe to "who is a workaholic".
who workaholic
can't have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a happy life.

To conclude
the discussion, I would say that a sufficient amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
a happy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
Use "better" to make a comparison with this adjective.
best
than both the scenario
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
above.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Having money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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