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Some people think high end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing crime. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think high end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing crime. v. 3
Increasing crime rate is an alarming threat to any society in the world. Some people say that with the use of advanced technology, crime can be decreased. However, I disagree with this statement. In my opinion crime rate seems to increase with the help of technology in the form of cyber crimes Firstly, it is undeniable that technology has helped countries remarkably in various sectors, but in terms of cutting crime it is still not effective. Even after installing cameras on streets and in public places, crime rate increased substantially in the last few years. Nowadays, more criminal activities are occurring with the help of technology. For example, in New Zealand in February 2019, an Australian youngster attacked a Muslim temple while live streaming it on Facebook. This incident shook the whole world as crime had taken a totally different meaning with the use of technology. Secondly, apart from murders and robberies, crimes over the internet have also increased. Nowadays, hacking personal information has become easier than ever before with the help of technology. For instance in 2010, most of the cell phones in the US got a scam message that they had won 250 dollars from JB Hi-Fi and to access that they need to click on the link given. It was one of the biggest scam, as by clicking on the link most of the people gave access to their banking details to the hackers and lost big amounts of money. To sum up, crime rate is still rising despite technological advancement. The government needs to take charge and make some strict rules rather than relying on technology to curb the crime
Increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is an alarming threat to any society in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
can
be decreased
.
However
, I disagree with this statement. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
seems to increase with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
in the form of cyber
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
crimes


Firstly
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
countries
remarkably
in various sectors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in terms of cutting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
it is
still
not effective. Even after installing cameras on streets and in public places,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
increased
substantially
in the last few years. Nowadays, more criminal activities are occurring with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For example
, in New Zealand in February 2019, an Australian youngster attacked a Muslim temple while
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
live streaming
it on Facebook. This incident shook the whole world as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
had taken a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
meaning with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology.

Secondly
, apart from murders and robberies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
over the internet have
also
increased. Nowadays, hacking personal information has become easier than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
For instance
in 2010, most of the cell phones in the US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a scam message that they had won 250 dollars from JB
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hi-Fi
and to access that they need to click on the link
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
. It was one of the biggest scam, as by clicking on the link most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gave access to their banking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to the hackers and lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amounts of money.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
is
still
rising despite technological advancement. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to take charge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
rather
than relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to curb the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
crime
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some people think high end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing crime. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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