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Having less salary and success job is better than high salary and insecure job. agree or disagree? v.1

Having less salary and success job is better than high salary and insecure job. agree or disagree? v. 1
Every person wants to get success in job with high salary. Some people more preference gives to success job because of its guarantee, however I prefer high salary job whether it is secure or not. I feel this way for two reasons which I will explore in the following paragraphs. First of all, high income means chance to fulfill our dream. One author says that money can’t buy everything but everything needs money. If person save money then, obviously he reach to his goal. For instance, ten years ago, my cousin went Mumbai to seek new job. He gave lots of interview but no one job offer satisfied salary. One day he got job in call centre. He knew that no guarantee of the job but at least he tried to save plenty of money to open photo shoot shop. In six month, he saved three lakh rupees. Still he worked in call centre and side by side he find the new location for photo shop. One year after he lose job because company hired new employee. He earned huge money from the job. He started focus on open in photo shop. Finally, one year effort he open photo shop. In fact, now he earns triple money in photography as compare to his previous job. Accordingly, I believe that high income is one option to save money and make better future rather than stick less salary job which is only fulfill fundamental requirement. Secondly, I mostly interested in new job to getting the knowledge and experience. Stick with one job I feel boring, however new job surging my curiosity working in various kind of field. In modern world, people find easily job but that job is insecure. Whatever, I concerned only about getting experience and knowledge, so I easily met the job with high salary. My experience compelling this idea, being pharmacist, two years ago, I worked in pharmacy store as pharmacist. After six month I left my job and started worked in medical representative in which I met lots of people and it helps to increase the social networking. After nine month, I start working pharmaceutical industry as manager in drug analysis department and still I work in company. In whole my career I grasp huge knowledge of various kind of field and it also gives me experience. Every industry and company needs employee who has experience and knowledge. I have both qualities, therefore I m not worry to insecure job but I interested in money. In conclusion, although many people prefer less income with secure job because of less stress and easy work, I prefer high income job whatever it secured or not because of huge money assist to completes my aspire, and working in different field I acquire enormous knowledge and experience.
Every person wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more preference gives to success
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its guarantee,
however
I prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
whether it is secure or not. I feel this way for two reasons which I will explore in the following paragraphs.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
means chance to fulfill our dream. One author says that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everything needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. If person save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
then,
obviously
he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "reaches", "reached".
reach
to his goal.
For instance
, ten years ago, my cousin went Mumbai to seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. He gave lots of interview
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
offer satisfied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. One day he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. He knew that no guarantee of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at least he tried to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
photo
shoot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
. In six month, he saved three lakh rupees.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Still
he worked in call
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and side by side he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "finds", "found".
find
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
location for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
photo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
after he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "loses", "lost".
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
hired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
employee. He earned huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
focus on open in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
photo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
.
Finally
, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
effort he open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
photo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he earns triple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in photography as compare to his previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Accordingly
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
is one option to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better future
rather
than stick less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fulfill fundamental requirement.

Secondly
, I
mostly
interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. Stick with one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
I feel boring,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
surging my curiosity working in various kind of field. In modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is insecure. Whatever, I concerned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
easily
met the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
compelling this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, being pharmacist, two years ago, I worked in pharmacy store as pharmacist. After six
Possible agreement error. The noun 'month' seems to be countable, so consider using: "months".
month
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
worked in medical representative in which I met lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to increase the social networking. After nine
Possible agreement error. The noun 'month' seems to be countable, so consider using: "months".
month
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working pharmaceutical industry as manager in drug analysis department and
still
I work in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. In whole my career I grasp huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of various kind of field and it
also
gives me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. Every industry and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
needs employee who has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. I have both qualities,
therefore
I m not worry to insecure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I interested in money.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
with secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and easy work, I prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
whatever it secured or not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
assist to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "complete".
completes
my
"Aspire" is a proper noun and needs to be capitalized.
aspire
, and working in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
field I acquire enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
74Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Having less salary and success job is better than high salary and insecure job. agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
465 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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