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do you agree or disagree? parents today are more involved in their children’s' education than were parents in the past. v.143

parents today are more involved in their children’s' education than were parents in the past. v. 143
The question is whether parents today are more involved in their children’s' education than were parents in the past or not. Everyone in consideration to his private viewpoint can maintain a special direction toward this idea. In my vantage point nowadays people have some advantages which have caused people to be superior in compared with humans lived in the past, subsequently I strongly affirm this opinion. My reasons and arguments are listed below that will strengthen my point of view: To begin with, it is axiomatic that the families would rather have few children. It goes without saying that growing population provides some undeniable troubles in society such as economical crisis, increasing social norms and crimes and so on. In such a circumstance having one o two children is the most logical decision for parents. Unlike the past that people lived in crowded families, today' s every house is restricted to four or five people; hence the parents have enough time for spending time with their children. The second reason why I advocate this point of view lies in the fact that because of optimizing technology and rising up awareness level among humans, the parents are more educated than past. Nobody could overlook this issue that parents are able to work with the computer and internet and other advanced tools. This is one of the most salient developments in modern life; subsequently the families can guide their children not only in education, but also in any major. Having discussed this issue from this point of view, I am going to empower it by the following discussion. In the past when people were returning from their workplace, there were a lot of things for doing. They were more self-sufficient and were trying to produce their food or clothes by themselves; in contrast today’s people do not waste their time for these things, all of these stuffs can be found in the most equipped stores. As a result due to having free time, the parents can evaluate their children' s schoolwork. By taking all above mentioned arguments, this conclusion could be drown that today' s parents because of having high level of literacy, freedom and technology can help to their children more than before. In fact they play a crucial role in children' s life in a spread spectrum.
The question is whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
are more involved in their children’
Possible spelling mistake found.
s&
#039; education than were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
or not. Everyone in consideration to his private viewpoint can maintain a special direction toward this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. In my vantage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages which have caused
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be superior in compared with humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
subsequently
I
strongly
affirm this opinion. My reasons and arguments
are listed
below that will strengthen my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is axiomatic that the families would
rather
have few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It goes without saying that growing population provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
undeniable troubles in society such as
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
crisis, increasing social norms and crimes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In such a circumstance having one o two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the most logical decision for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in crowded families,
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is restricted
to four or five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
;
hence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children.

The second reason why I advocate this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view lies in the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of optimizing technology and rising up awareness level among humans, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more educated than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. Nobody could overlook this issue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are able to work with the computer and internet and other advanced tools. This is one of the most salient developments in modern life;
subsequently
the families can guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in any major.

Having discussed this issue from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view, I am going to empower it by the following discussion. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were returning from their workplace, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things for doing. They were more self-sufficient and were trying to produce their food or clothes by themselves;
in contrast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for these things, all of these stuffs can
be found
in the most equipped stores.
As a result
due to having free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can evaluate their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s schoolwork.

By taking all above mentioned arguments, this conclusion could be
Consider using the past participle "drowned"?
drown
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having high level of literacy, freedom and technology can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "fact, they".
fact they
play a crucial role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s life in a spread spectrum.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay parents today are more involved in their children’s' education than were parents in the past. v. 143

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
387 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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