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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time Use specific reasons to support your answer v.1

A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time Use specific reasons to support your answer v. 1
In contemporary society, excursion becomes a famous activity for majority of people in the world. Some people thus choose occupation with extensive vacation time, even though it provides a low income. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with such notion. I believe that working career with high revenue is more significant as money is, inevitably, desirable for humans' living in various ways. This essay will provide further aspects and examples to support this idea in the subsequent paragraphs. First and foremost, money allows people to live a lavish lifestyle. These days, individuals have to spend more an amount of money than those in the olden days on many indispensable things, such as houses and food. Moreover, going to an excursion is costly, and therefore, people should work to acquire a high compensation in order to afford an exclusive vacation. I can attest this from my own experience; my father and my mother spent their large amount of money that they gained from their endeavors on our last annual trip in Japan. We booked a room in the luxury hotel in Shibuya, and ate high-quality buffet. Furthermore, my mother went shopping for many clothes and perfumes. Although we do not have much time to travel frequently, every our vacation trips were remarkable. Secondly, another fact that supports my standpoint is that money helps people in unexpected situations. Unfortunately, humans are inevitably subjected to unpredictable ailments and accidents. Consequently, individuals have to pay close attention to their financial stability, and they should have enough reserved currency to pay medication fees from those radical scenarios. According to the research from Chulalongkorn University in Bangkok, a plethora of employees in Bangkok tend to spend their fund on vacationing rather than save it for any emergency cases. This accounts for sixty percent of all Bangkok' s personnel have low financial stability. Furthermore, they have credit debts that cause them have excessive expenditure. If they had decided to work with less excursions instead, their life would have been more stable. In conclusion, I firmly maintain the belief that working a high-income profession is more preferable than working a job with more vacation days. This is due to the fact that money allows people to have comfortable vacations, and people need to prepare for urgent medications.
In contemporary society, excursion becomes a
famous
activity for
majority of
people
in the world.
Some
people
thus
choose occupation with extensive
vacation
time,
even though
it provides a low income. As far as I
am concerned
, I
strongly
agree
with such notion. I believe that working career with high revenue is more significant as
money
is,
inevitably
, desirable for
humans&
#039; living in various ways. This essay will provide
further
aspects and examples to support this
idea
in the subsequent paragraphs.

First
and foremost,
money
allows
people
to
live
a lavish lifestyle. These days, individuals
have to
spend more an amount of
money
than those in the olden days on
many
indispensable things, such as
houses
and food.
Moreover
, going to an excursion is costly, and
therefore
,
people
should work to acquire a high compensation in order to afford an exclusive
vacation
. I can attest this from my
own
experience; my father and my mother spent their large amount of
money
that they gained from their endeavors on our last annual trip in Japan. We booked a room in the luxury hotel in
Shibuya
, and ate high-quality buffet.
Furthermore
, my mother went shopping for
many
clothes and perfumes. Although we do not have much time to travel
frequently
, every our
vacation
trips were remarkable.

Secondly
, another fact that supports my standpoint is that
money
helps
people
in unexpected situations. Unfortunately, humans are
inevitably
subjected to unpredictable ailments and accidents.
Consequently
, individuals
have to
pay close attention to their financial stability, and they should have
enough
reserved currency to pay medication fees from those radical scenarios. According to the research from
Chulalongkorn
University in Bangkok, a plethora of employees in Bangkok tend to spend their fund on vacationing
rather
than save it for any emergency cases. This accounts for sixty percent of all
Bangkok&
#039; s personnel have low financial stability.
Furthermore
, they have credit debts that cause them have excessive expenditure. If they had decided to work with
less
excursions
instead
, their life would have been more stable.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
maintain the belief that working a high-income profession is more preferable than working a job with more
vacation
days.
This is due to the fact that
money
allows
people
to have comfortable
vacations
, and
people
need to prepare for urgent medications.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high salary but less vacation time Use specific reasons to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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