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Having a good university degree guarantees people a good job. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Having a good university degree guarantees people a good job. v. 1
Many argue that people who graduated from university tend to obtain decent employment. I agree with this notion to some extent. This essay will analyze the importance of education, alongside experience and skills in finding work. A majority of people hold the opinion that, in order to excel in the working world, one must complete their higher level of education. This is because, it equips people with the mental tools they need to progress in their fields. Furthermore, companies often look at level of education when deciding whether or not to hire someone. For example, Harvard law students have guaranteed jobs waiting for them as soon as they graduate, this scheme is implemented by Harvard University. The reason for this is, that organizations trust certain educational institutions to provide the best form of skills. Overall, university is a stepping stone in the work hierarchy. However, CEO's often search for other qualities as well. Such as and not limited to, experience, communication skills, knowing other languages and having charisma. These qualities can not be taught. For instance, footballers, do not usually have a form of education but depend on their physical strengths and talents. Also, they have one of the most highest paid jobs worldwide. Another example, is singers. The people in the music industry do not need to learn anything at college or school because they have god given talents. Undoubtedly, there are other ways to have a good jobs. In conclusion, there is truth to this notion. Although obtaining a degree may be portrayed to be an absolute imperative in attaining employment, there are without a doubt, other means.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who graduated from university tend to obtain decent employment. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. This essay will analyze the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, alongside experience and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in finding work.

A majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the opinion that, in order to excel in the working world, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
complete their higher level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it equips
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the mental tools they need to progress in their fields.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
look at level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
when deciding
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
to hire someone.
For example
, Harvard law students have guaranteed jobs waiting for them as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they graduate, this scheme
is implemented
by Harvard University.
The reason for this is
, that organizations trust certain educational institutions to provide the best form of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Overall
, university is a stepping stone in the work hierarchy.

However
, CEO's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
search for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
qualities
as well
. Such as and not limited to, experience, communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, knowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
languages and having charisma. These qualities can not
be taught
.
For instance
, footballers, do not
usually
have a form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
depend on their physical strengths and talents.
Also
, they have one of the
Use only "highest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most highest
paid jobs worldwide. Another example, is singers. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the music industry do not need to learn anything at college or school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have god
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
talents.
Undoubtedly
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs.

In conclusion
, there is truth to this notion. Although obtaining a degree may
be portrayed
to be an absolute imperative in attaining employment, there are without a doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
means.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Having a good university degree guarantees people a good job. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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