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People in the limelight have a responsibility to set a example to others by their good behavior. Do you agree? v.1

People in the limelight have a responsibility to set a example to others by their good behavior. Do you agree? v. 1
Many argue that popular figures in society should maintain a certain level of decency, because they are very influential. Although there is some truth to this notion, I agree to some extent. One argument in support of this claim is that, famous people often have a large followng. In other words, they have the ability to influence their fans with their life choices. This is because, when people admire each other they are inclined to mimickery. This can be exemplified by, the indecent acts committed by Miley Cyrus in 2014. Although her followers were mainly decent young girls, 80% of them were influenced by her bad behavior and copied her attitude. Therefore, it is apparent that crowds replicate those thye idollize, regardless of their actions. In turn, celebrities should take extra care in ensuring they are on their best behavior. Despite the burden of being influential that well known individuals carry with them, they are also entitled to their own decisions. This is because, everyone is allowed freedom of speech and has the right to act how they please. Furthermore, not everyone is as easily influenced by their idols. In addition to this, people can learn to love their positive qualities, but also acknowledge their negative traits. For instance, everyone loves Michael Jackson, a famous performer, for his music and kind personality, however, no one has ever been influenced by his acts of child molestation committed in 1996. In conclusion, while there are many reasons why celebrities should be well behaved to set a good example for their fans, people are responsible for their own lives and are entitled to act how they want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
argue that popular figures in society should maintain a certain level of decency,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
influential. Although there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth to this notion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.

One argument in support of this claim is that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have a large
Possible spelling mistake found.
followng
.
In other words
, they have the ability to influence their fans with their life choices. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
admire each other they
are inclined
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
mimickery
. This can
be exemplified
by, the indecent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
committed by Miley Cyrus in 2014. Although her followers were
mainly
decent young girls, 80% of them
were influenced
by her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior and copied her attitude.
Therefore
, it is apparent that crowds replicate those
Possible spelling mistake found.
thye
Possible spelling mistake found.
idollize
, regardless of their actions. In turn, celebrities should take extra care in ensuring they are on their best behavior.

Despite the burden of being influential that well known individuals carry with them, they are
also
entitled to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, everyone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
freedom of speech and has the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
.
Furthermore
, not everyone is as
easily
influenced by their idols.
In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
qualities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
acknowledge their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
traits.
For instance
, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
Michael Jackson, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
performer, for his music and kind personality,
however
, no one has ever
been influenced
by his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
of child molestation committed in 1996.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why celebrities should be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well behaved
to set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example for their fans,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are responsible for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
are entitled
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
how they want.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay People in the limelight have a responsibility to set a example to others by their good behavior. Do you agree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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