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Grandparents play a big role in bringing up the children. Do you think it is useful for grandparents? Discuss reasons with your opinion and give relevant examples. v.5

Some people opine that the involvement of grandparents and other members of the immediately family are beneficial for the all round development of children. I totally agree with this view. When children are raised or brought up in a joint family, it helps them to stay connected to their roots. This is because children are imparted the knowledge regarding their roots and family tree by grandparents. This is usually done by narrating the folklores related to their family history. Hence juveniles would be more aware of their culture when they stay with grandparents. Moreover, including all family members in nurturing children reduces the responsibility of parents. As the cost of living has increased, both parents now work to provide a better life to their children and as such they cannot spend enough time with their little ones or participate in their activities. However, if other family members are taking care of the child, life becomes less stressful for the parents and the child. Furthermore, it helps in keeping a watchful eye on each and every activity of children. During their growing up years children are more likely to indulge in bad activities if they are not kept under supervision. The involvement of the whole family in the upbringing of children makes them less vulnerable to bad influences. In conclusion, raising children in joint families provides them more security, and gives a good direction to their life; hence this should be encouraged more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that the involvement of grandparents and other members of the immediately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are beneficial for the all round development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.

When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are raised
or brought up in a joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to stay connected to their roots. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are imparted
the knowledge regarding their roots and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
tree by grandparents. This is
usually
done by narrating the
Possible spelling mistake found.
folklores
related to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
history.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
juveniles would be more aware of their culture when they stay with grandparents.

Moreover
, including all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members in nurturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the responsibility of parents. As the cost of living has increased, both parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
work to provide a better life to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and as such they cannot spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time with their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones or participate in their activities.
However
, if other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members are taking care of the child, life becomes less stressful for the parents and the child.

Furthermore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in keeping a watchful eye on each and every activity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. During their growing up years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more likely to indulge in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
activities if they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
under supervision. The involvement of the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in the upbringing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them less vulnerable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences.

In conclusion
, raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
provides them more security, and gives a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
direction to their life;
hence
this should
be encouraged
more.

IELTS essay Some people think that it would be better if the whole family (uncles, aunts and grandparents) are involved in bringing up their children rather than only parents. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Grandparents play a big role in bringing up the children. Do you think it is useful for grandparents? Discuss reasons with your opinion and give relevant examples. v.5