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When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.13

It is true that the wage plays an integral role in selecting a career. While I accept that this may suit many people, I believe that others choose their careers according to other concerns. I agree that the majority decide their jobs in accordance with the fact how much they are paid. We all need money to pay our basic necessities, such as food and accommodation, and this has huge effects on the selection of jobs. Also, many people feel self-fulfilment and happy if they have well-paid enough jobs to enjoy outside work rather than the job to make ends meet. For example, many young people try to become rich by working as a bank manager, or owning their business as these spheres are considered to be the fields to become wealthy. Thus, it is agreeable that the key consideration in selecting a career is the salary. Despite the arguments expressed above, there are other concerns when individuals select their jobs. Firstly, the interest and taste of people affect their future careers. For example, some people desperately want to become painters or artists thanks to their wishes despite the fact that they are not able to earn as much money as businessmen/businesswomen do. Secondly, some individuals are happy to work in any job if they are provided with a fulfilling work atmosphere, good colleagues, and an inspiring boss who is always ready to help. Finally, some people define their careers to contribute something positive to society. For the reasons mentioned above, although the majority selects careers in accord with money, it seems to me that there are other considerations in the selection of a job.
It is true that the wage plays an integral role in selecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. While I accept that this may suit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, I believe that others choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
concerns.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the majority decide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in accordance with the fact how much they
are paid
. We all need money to pay our
Consider using “necessities”.
basic necessities
, such as food and accommodation, and this has huge effects on the selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-fulfilment
and happy if they have well-paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to enjoy outside work
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to become rich by working as a bank manager, or owning their business as these spheres
are considered
to be the fields to become wealthy.
Thus
, it is agreeable that the key consideration in selecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is the salary.

Despite the arguments expressed above, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
concerns when individuals select their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Firstly
, the interest and taste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
affect their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
desperately
want to become painters or artists thanks to their wishes despite the fact that they are not able to earn as much money as businessmen/businesswomen do.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are happy to work in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
if they
are provided
with a fulfilling work atmosphere,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
colleagues, and an inspiring boss who is always ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
define their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
to contribute something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
to society.

For the reasons mentioned above, although the majority selects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
in accord with money, it seems to me that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
considerations in the selection of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.

IELTS essay When choosing a job, salary s the most important consideration.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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