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Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. v. 3
It is often argued that the countries should shed their budget more on educating students rather than leisure or sports. It is agreed that training institutions have more benefits and it can be helpful for every individual, therefore, this essay will further present the reasons to support the agreement. Firstly, education will be beneficial to every person. Sports can only be helpful for those who are physically fit and make it as career, on the other hand, knowledge serves all humans to attain wisdom, no matter what features he possesses. For instance, someone who is physically challenged might not be eligible to use the leisure facilities, but he can reap the benefits of educational funding. Hence, budget in institutions will be fruitful to anybody for their growth. Secondly, education gives confidence to fight against any odds. Knowledge enables human beings to build courage and skills to be able to deal with any kind of unfortunate situations, though, a wise person is in hardship, he is more likely to make right decisions. For example, if a person gets diabetes attack, sports alone will not help him to deal with the disease, one who is wise, due to awareness, he will get himself back to the healthy state consulting a doctor and enrolling in a gym. Thus, knowledge is a key to awareness and boldness. In conclusion, learning is essential for everyone to survive and deal with in day-to-day life. If huge budgets for schools and colleges allow everyone to get enrolled in schools and colleges, the governments should definitely allot more money for educational organisations instead of spending on games. For education is pivotal for survival on top of the sports.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the countries should shed their budget more on educating students
rather
than leisure or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that training institutions have more benefits and it can be helpful for every individual,
therefore
, this essay will
further
present the reasons to support the agreement.

Firstly
, education will be beneficial to every person.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be helpful for those who are
physically
fit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it as career,
on the other hand
, knowledge serves all humans to attain wisdom, no matter what features he possesses.
For instance
, someone who is
physically
challenged might not be eligible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the leisure facilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he can reap the benefits of educational funding.
Hence
, budget in institutions will be fruitful to anybody for their growth.

Secondly
, education gives confidence to fight against any odds. Knowledge enables human beings to build courage and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to be able to deal with any kind of unfortunate situations, though, a wise person is in hardship, he is more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
right decisions.
For example
, if a person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
diabetes attack,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
alone will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to deal with the disease, one who is wise, due to awareness, he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
himself back to the healthy state consulting a doctor and enrolling in a gym.
Thus
, knowledge is a key to awareness and boldness.

In conclusion
, learning is essential for everyone to survive and deal with in day-to-day life. If huge budgets for schools and colleges
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
everyone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
enrolled in schools and colleges, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should definitely allot more money for educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
instead
of spending on games. For education is pivotal for survival on top of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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