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Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. v. 2
The argument about whether governments should financially supply education side more than entertainments and sports has not been settled yet. I strongly agree with this opinion and think that it is more beneficial to spend money on education rather than sports and recreation. Firstly, I believe that the more money spent on education, the more income to the country. Although governments can have financial difficulties at sometimes, but it is worth every penny spent on learning fields. Moreover, variety of business men around the world invest millions of dollars in educated countries more than uneducated. The reason for this investment is educated countries can guarantee that investors will benefit and get more money back. For example, in a country like Switzerland, investments have raised significantly in the past 5 years because of the quality od education, “The New York Times” reported. Thats why it is it is important to put education in the priority of the governments treasury. Secondly, taking care of education can lead to prepare a generation that can give a hand in building their country. In order to boost a countrys development of construction, educated generation is essential for this process to succeed. In other words, there is a strong relationship between the pioneering of construction projects and how well the people are having knowledge in their fields. For instance, engineers play an important role in development of their nations by using different methods they learned while obtaining their degrees from their universities. Based on his book, Engineers the Future, Tom Brad explained thye positive outputs that a country can obtain from their well educated engineers in evolving their states. So, this enhances the idea that proofs that well educated people have positive impact on their lands. In conclusion, governments shall specify much amount of money to support learning fields more that sporting and entertaining. I believe that it is more advantageous to spend more money on education.
The argument about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should
financially
supply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
side more than entertainments and sports has not
been settled
yet
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more beneficial to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
rather
than sports and recreation.

Firstly
, I believe that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the more income to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can have financial difficulties at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is worth every penny spent on learning fields.
Moreover
, variety of business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
around the world invest millions of dollars in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
more than uneducated. The reason for this investment is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can guarantee that investors will benefit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
back.
For example
, in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like Switzerland, investments have raised
significantly
in the past 5 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the quality
Possible spelling mistake found.
od
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, “The New York Times” reported.
Possible spelling mistake found
Thats
why
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "it is".
it is it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the priority of the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "governments'" or "government's"?
governments
treasury.

Secondly
, taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can lead to prepare a generation that can give a hand in building their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In order to boost a
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "countries", the plural form of the noun 'country'?
countrys
development of construction,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
generation is essential for this process to succeed.
In other words
, there is a strong relationship between the pioneering of construction projects and how well the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are having knowledge in their fields.
For instance
, engineers play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in development of their nations by using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods they learned while obtaining their degrees from their universities. Based on his book, Engineers the Future, Tom Brad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
Possible spelling mistake found.
thye
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outputs that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can obtain from their well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
engineers in evolving their states.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this enhances the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that proofs that well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on their lands.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
shall specify much amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to support learning fields more that sporting and entertaining. I believe that it is more advantageous to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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