Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having lot of money make people happy? What other things can make people happy? v.15

Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having lot of money make people happy? What other things can make people happy? v. 15
It is believed by many that having lots of money is the major source of happiness. This essay will state that money provides a person with comfortability and an ability to afford all material things. It will also emphasize that succeeding in a set goal is another thing that can make one elated. Having lots of money makes one happy in numerous ways. Firstly, a rich person would be able to afford classy cars, houses in the best suburbs because of his financial status. Also, as a result of being wealthy, he would be able to take his children to ivy league schools that an average person cannot afford, therefore, resulting in his offsprings having access to top notch education which in the long run would mould their future. Finally, having lots of funds can make one happy is the full access to unrivalled health care that being rich confers. In other words, this person will have access to quality medical services that an average class citizen will not be able to afford. Although wealth makes people happy, things like achieving one's goals also give people joy. To put in another way, when an individual succeeds in a given task he has been working on this will bring happiness. A good example of this was the unrivalled joy Steve Jobs felt after he accomplished making the first mobile phone in the world. He was accorded with respect globally, which exceeded any riches he could have made at that moment. It goes to show that asides being financially buoyant one can derive joy from fulfilling a dream. To conclude, while having legal tender will make humans very comfortable, other things like fulfilling one's dream can also give an entity solace which could at times be more important than cash.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
lots of money is the major source of happiness. This essay will state that money provides a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
comfortability
and an ability to afford all material things. It will
also
emphasize that succeeding in a set goal is another thing that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
one elated.

Having lots of money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
one happy in numerous ways.
Firstly
, a rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would be able to afford classy cars,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in the best suburbs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his financial status.
Also
,
as a result
of being wealthy, he would be able to take his children to ivy league schools that an average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
cannot afford,
therefore
, resulting in his offsprings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
access to
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top notch
education which in the long run would
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
their future.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
lots of funds can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
one happy is the full access to unrivalled health care that being rich confers.
In other words
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will have access to quality medical services that an average
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
citizen will not be able to afford.

Although wealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
happy, things like achieving one's goals
also
give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
joy. To put in another way, when an individual succeeds in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
task he has been working on this will bring happiness. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this was the unrivalled joy Steve Jobs felt after he accomplished making the
first
mobile phone in the world. He
was accorded
with respect globally, which exceeded any riches he could have made at that moment. It goes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that asides being
financially
buoyant one can derive joy from fulfilling a dream.

To conclude
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
legal tender will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable, other things like fulfilling one's dream can
also
give an entity solace which could at times be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than cash.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having lot of money make people happy? What other things can make people happy? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts