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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.24

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 24
It is often said by a few people that providing the voluntary services such as working with charities etc. . , must be mandatory for high school students. Taking part in volunteering is definitely advantages in the student's growth. For this reason, this essay will agree with the given statement and give two valid points to support the given idea. Firstly, voluntary service will enable pupils to enhance their soft skills which are essential to build a harmonious society. Our world requires humans who are empathetic and willing to work together as a team to resolve the matters during conflicts. For instance, A president of a nation is expected to be having empathy to be able to serve the country in a better way, knowing the needs of people, and also he should be working with other people who are under him as a team and resolve the issues. Thus, with volunteering students will learn the importance of teamwork and appreciation of other's views. Secondly, extracurricular activities set one apart from the others who are applying for the third level education. Those who are wishing to pursue under-graduation in prestigious universities should be outstanding among a thousand of applicants because universities will have a dime a dozen grades in the application forms, they have received, in such cases, community service will be an add on privilege. For example, I have served to less fortunate children to learn a language and this has helped me to enrol in a good under-graduation institution. In conclusion, since pupil thrive to grow in aspects such as education and personal, it is essential that they should go one step beyond and help others. Therefore, schools must add volunteering into their curriculum which will not only help students build a mere perfect personality and character, but also make the community a better place.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said by a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that providing the voluntary services such as working with charities etc.
Two consecutive dots
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be mandatory for high school students. Taking part in volunteering is definitely advantages in the student's growth.
For this reason
, this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and give two valid points to support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Firstly
, voluntary service will enable pupils to enhance their soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are essential to build a harmonious society. Our world requires humans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are empathetic and willing to work together as a team to resolve the matters during conflicts.
For instance
, A president of a nation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be having empathy to be able to serve the country in a better way, knowing the needs of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
also
he should be working with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are under him as a team and resolve the issues.
Thus
, with volunteering students will learn the importance of teamwork and appreciation of other's views.

Secondly
, extracurricular activities set one apart from the others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are applying for the third level education. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
The verb 'wishing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are wishing
to pursue under-graduation in prestigious universities should be outstanding among a thousand of applicants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
universities will have a dime a dozen grades in the application forms, they have received, in such cases, community service will be an
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
add on
privilege.
For example
, I have served to less fortunate children to learn a language and this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to enrol in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
under-graduation institution.

In conclusion
, since pupil thrive to grow in aspects such as education and personal, it is essential that they should go one step beyond and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others.
Therefore
, schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
volunteering into their curriculum which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students build a mere perfect personality and character,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the community a better place.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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