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In the conversation, the student has a problem. Describe the problem. What options does the professor suggest to help the student? Which of the options do you prefer? Why? v.1

In the conversation, the student has a problem. Describe the problem. What options does the professor suggest to help the student? Which of the options do you prefer? Why? v. 1
It is believed by a few number of people that is more convenient to select companions having the same mindset. In contrast, some people think that having friends with different thinking, who sometimes dislikes them, are much better. In my strong conviction, both the perspectives are interrelated to each other because there are two important factors mainly compatibility and decision making. Firstly, a human being is always socially active and therefore, keep on searching for friends using various methods for instance, Facebook, Instagram or even while attending family functions. Furthermore, while selecting fellow mates they should follow certain constraints before trusting a complete stranger. Secondly, a recent case study revealed that 71% of the crime rate was increasing due to the impact of incompatible friend circle because these groups were indulged in drugs as well as crimes. As a result, misunderstandings and wrong decisions could ruin their career including the future. Finally, a person should select friends, which are a bit different from their nature because they can understand and guide them. To illustrate, a survey was conducted by a university graduate, he concluded his research by saying, friends are key holders of life and they can support us while making the biggest decisions of life and sometimes deny our statements when we went out of the track. He shared one incident by narrating his own experience, last year he took a wrong decision while he was preparing for exams and suddenly he called up his best buddy to guide him, at first he scolded him and then helped him to the correct path. Fortunately, he topped in that particular test. To conclude, every individual has the right to choose between right and wrong, but keeping above two factors in mind, will help in leading with a positive environment.
It
is believed
by a
Possible agreement error. The noun number seems to be countable; consider using: "few numbers".
few number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that is
more convenient to select companions having the same mindset.
In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
thinking, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
dislikes them, are much better. In my strong conviction, both the perspectives
are interrelated
to each other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors
mainly
compatibility and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
.

Firstly
, a human being is always
socially
active and
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on searching for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
using various methods
for instance
, Facebook, Instagram or even while attending family functions.
Furthermore
, while selecting fellow mates they should follow certain constraints
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
trusting a complete stranger.
Secondly
, a recent case study revealed that 71% of the crime rate was increasing due to the impact of incompatible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
circle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these groups
were indulged
in drugs
as well
as crimes.
As a result
, misunderstandings and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
could ruin their career including the future.

Finally
, a person should select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
, which are a bit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from their nature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can understand and guide them. To illustrate, a survey
was conducted
by a university graduate, he concluded his research by saying,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are key holders of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they can support us while making the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decisions
of life and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
deny our statements when we went out of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
. He shared one incident by narrating his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, last year he took a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
while he was preparing for exams and
suddenly
he called up his best buddy to guide him, at
first
he scolded him and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him to the correct path.
Fortunately
, he topped in that particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
.

To conclude
, every individual has the right to choose between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
keeping above two factors in mind, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in leading with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In the conversation, the student has a problem. Describe the problem. What options does the professor suggest to help the student? Which of the options do you prefer? Why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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