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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Eighteen-year-olds are not mature enough to vote. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v.310

Eighteen-year-olds are not mature enough to vote. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v. 310
In a modern educational system in many countries, students have a lot if different subjects at school. Some people believe that teenagers should focus on all subjects and some think they should concentrate on their interests. I believe all the subjects are important. The essay here is aimed to argue both sides of the argument. Above all, basically subjects which the youth learned in the academy are useful. These subjects give students a foundation of what this world is consisted. For example, math and science can give an explanation of daily phenomena such as climate change and also practise logical thinking to students. Different kinds of subject are all the valuable experiences of human kinds, and this is why these courses are the basically subjects instead of others. On the other hand, It's excellent for teenagers have an interested course and spend much time on. Curiosity is the best teacher. It's the best situation for students that they know what they want to learn. This subject may become the occupation in the future after students graduate from university. Everyone has different gifts in different field so concentrate on the best or the most interested subjects could show their talents. In conclusion, all subjects at school are important for students studying and everyone could focus on some specific subjects to look for their gifts. So I recommend students at school to balance their time to their interested subject and the other subjects, and try their best to look for what actually they are good at.
In a modern educational system in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a lot if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at school.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should focus on all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should concentrate on their interests. I believe all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. The essay here
is aimed
to argue both sides of the argument.

Above all
,
basically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which the youth learned in the academy are useful. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a foundation of what this world
is consisted
.
For example
, math and science can give an explanation of daily phenomena such as climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
logical thinking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
are all the valuable experiences of human kinds, and this is why these courses are the
basically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
instead
of others.

On the other hand
, It's excellent for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have an interested course and spend much time on. Curiosity is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
teacher. It's the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
situation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that they know what they want to learn. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
may become the occupation in the future after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
graduate from university. Everyone has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
gifts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
field
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
concentrate on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
or the most interested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talents.

In conclusion
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at school are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
studying and everyone could focus on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to look for their gifts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I recommend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at school to balance their time to their interested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, and try their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
to look for what actually they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Eighteen-year-olds are not mature enough to vote. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v. 310

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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