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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students should take out student loans to avoid working while studying. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.311

Students should take out student loans to avoid working while studying. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 311
Nowadays, people like to travel, especially abroad, I think that, they want to explore other cultures and see how the other nations look like, during travelling to another country, they will get a new experience and knowledge, which will put in them an advantage over the others. In the past, particularly, before using the internet it is very hard to see the beautiful nature of other countries and their habit. It was only by word of mouth, such as if someone travelled to a specific place, he would tell about it, but we were not able to see how other people live, the style of their building, their continental food and their way of thinking. On the contrast, after the invention of the internet, we can see the tourist attractions of specific country which make us more ambitious go there to see these milestones. For instance, one of my colleagues travelled to another nation and when he came back, he showed us the memories that he had during the journey. Moreover, travelling has a lot of benefits to people who travel. Like, meeting with new people who are different from the nation where they lived, also, they will increase their historical information about the country that they decide to travel to, either by reading books about this topic, or through their tour guide during the trip. Furthermore, the big advantage for travellers is that, they will learn a new language to make it easy to communicate with local residents during renting an apartment, or even during buying a memorable souvenir. To summarize, travelling increased during the last decades, because of the opened media and advertisements which increase the passion of people to explore the other cities and nations, also to be beneficial from that trip.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to travel,
especially
abroad, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, they want to explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
look like, during travelling to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a new experience and knowledge, which will put in them an advantage over the others.

In the past,
particularly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
using the internet it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and their habit. It was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by word of mouth, such as if someone travelled to a specific place, he would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we were not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, the style of their building, their continental food and their way of thinking. On the contrast, after the invention of the internet, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the tourist attractions of specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us more ambitious go there to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these milestones.
For instance
, one of my colleagues travelled to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and when he came back, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
us the memories that he had during the journey.

Moreover
, travelling has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who travel. Like, meeting with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
where they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
,
also
, they will increase their historical information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that they decide to travel to, either by reading books about this topic, or through their tour guide during the trip.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
advantage for
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
is that, they will learn a new language to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easy to communicate with local residents during renting an apartment, or even during buying a memorable souvenir.

To summarize
, travelling increased during the last decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the opened media and advertisements which increase the passion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to explore the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
,
also
to be beneficial from that trip.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Students should take out student loans to avoid working while studying. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 311

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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