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Governments should be responsible for funding and controlling scientific research rather than private organizations To what extent do you agree or disagree v.7

Governments should be responsible for funding and controlling scientific research rather than private organizations v. 7
In the recent years, whether public sectors or private ones should be responsible for the advancement of sciences has sparked a heated debate. While some people argue that the former should be in charge of the task, other people object to the argument. I personally believe, however, that it would depend on the discipline. On the one hand, it is preferable that governments take responsibility for the improvement of some specific scientific fields like humanities. It is difficult for such fields to gain research funds from commercial organisations because these fields hardly deliver financial benefit. In Japan, for example, the number of research funds established by private sectors for humanities is far less than the one for natural sciences. If public sectors as represented by governments do not financially aid to these disciplines, they will perish sooner or later. Indeed, in some countries, it is reported that the number of faculty of humanities is especially decreasing compared to the other faculties because of the shortage of funds. On the other hand, commercial organisations should be responsible for the development of their relevant practical sciences. These organisations usually enjoy some sort of benefit from the disciplines in one way or another; technology and knowledge as the research outcomes of these fields are indispensable for the prosperity of private companies. One of the best examples of this is pharmaceutical industry. Today, most part of their profit heavily relies upon drug discovery efforts conducted by pharmaceutical colleges around the world. Therefore, it is very natural that private sectors provide research budgets for practical sciences. This is also evidenced in a today’s movement in which a number of enterprises are embarking on financial backing for their related fields as a kind of pro bono activities. In conclusion, the answer to the question whether governments or commercial organisations are responsible for scientific researches would be contingent on the scientific field.
In the recent years, whether public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
ones should be responsible for the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
has sparked a heated debate. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that the former should be in charge of the task, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
object to the argument. I
personally
believe,
however
, that it would depend on the discipline.

On the one hand, it is preferable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
take responsibility for the improvement of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
like humanities. It is difficult for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
funds from commercial
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
hardly deliver financial benefit. In Japan,
for example
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
funds established by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
for humanities is far less than the one for natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
. If public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
as represented by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
do not
financially
aid to these disciplines, they will perish sooner or later.
Indeed
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries, it
is reported
that the number of faculty of humanities is
especially
decreasing compared to the other faculties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the shortage of funds.

On the other hand
, commercial
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
should be responsible for the development of their relevant practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
. These
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
usually
enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of benefit from the disciplines in one way or another; technology and knowledge as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
outcomes of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
are indispensable for the prosperity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. One of the best examples of this is pharmaceutical industry.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, most part of their profit
heavily
relies upon drug discovery efforts conducted by pharmaceutical colleges around the world.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
natural that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
budgets for practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
. This is
also
evidenced in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s movement in which a number of enterprises are embarking on financial backing for their related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
as a kind of pro bono activities.

In conclusion
, the answer to
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question".
the question whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
or commercial
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
are responsible for scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
would be contingent on the scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should be responsible for funding and controlling scientific research rather than private organizations v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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