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Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.6

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. v. 6
In this era of modernization, artwork has undergone lots of dramatic changes over the past few decades. Presently, government is tended to endorse artists to glorify their country' s name in art sector. However, some people does not welcome this tendency of government and consider it wastage of finance. Here, I would like to discuss both views with my notion. Ample points are there to shore up former view. Firstly, Artwork portrays the heritage and cultural picture of a particular country. Fascinating performances by artists in art sector glorify a country' s name and earn fame for a country. However, spending on artwork is completely justifying. What is more, it takes special skills and patience to be a mesmerizing artist. Thus it is worth to spend on skillful artists in order to justify their talent. On contrary, others have conflicting views. They claim that, artwork being created by artists is of no use, hence, money ought to be utilized in other needful causes. To be specific, Indian government wasted gigantic 2 millions on R. S. Javed for an art exhibition which could have been utilized as an aid for tsunami affected in 2007. Furthermore, artwork is not that necessary for the better lifestyle, money can be spent on creating opportunities for jobless youngster instead In my notion, both sides have their own significance. undeniably, some brilliant artists need to be awarded for sake of country' s name and fame. however, paying them big amounts without taking local mass' s needs in consideration is completely unjustifiable To recapitulate, government is just like a family leader who has to look after every single member equally, just like that government should manage their funds in the manner that no one remain with the empty palms
In this era of modernization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artwork
has undergone lots of dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
over the past few decades.
Presently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is tended
to endorse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
to glorify their
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s name in art sector.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
not welcome this tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and consider it wastage of finance. Here, I would like to discuss both views with my notion.

Ample points are there to shore up former view.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Artwork
portrays the heritage and cultural picture of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Fascinating performances by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
in art sector glorify a
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s name and earn fame for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
However
, spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artwork
is completely justifying.
What is more
, it takes special
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and patience to be a mesmerizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it is worth to spend on skillful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
in order to justify their talent. On contrary, others have conflicting views.

They claim that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artwork
being created
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
is of no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
,
hence
, money ought to
be utilized
in other needful causes. To be specific, Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
wasted gigantic 2 millions on R. S.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Javed
for an art exhibition which could have
been utilized
as an aid for tsunami
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in 2007.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artwork
is not that necessary for the better lifestyle, money can
be spent
on creating opportunities for jobless youngster
instead


In my notion, both sides have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
undeniably
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
brilliant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
need to
be awarded
for sake of
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s name and fame.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, paying them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amounts without taking local
Possible spelling mistake found.
mass&
#039; s needs in consideration is completely unjustifiable

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like a family leader who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
look after every single member
equally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should manage their funds in the manner that no one remain with the empty palms
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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