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7. Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

7. Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. v. 2
Nowadays, there is a great concern about the situation that people tend to read news on the Internet. But someone think that newspapers may still the most significant source of news. From my own perspective, I completely disagree with this opinion. On the one hand, during the booming of technologies, people do not have enough time to read news on the newspaper at the moment, they have a trend that reading news on the internet. The simple reason that there are several benefits of reading news on the internet. Firstly, news on the internet is up-to-minute. It updates at really time. As long as I have my smart phone or laptop with me, I can connect almost website on the internet and access the news of my choice across global. Secondly, many people nowadays have smart phone or laptop and they can surf the internet everywhere if they have network connections. For example, when they go to school by bus, they can use their smart phone and go to news website and check tidings everywhere. On the other hand, newspaper has more demerits that why people are not choose newspaper to update information. The first reason that the cost of newspaper is higher than reading news on the internet. For example, you used $8 to buy a newspaper, but if you have a smart phone which has network connections, you can read news and you do not pay for a newspaper. While, reading news on the internet is a way to protecting environment. We can save paper which use to print newspaper. It exactly saves forests employ to produce paper. In conclusion, I think that newspaper will continue to decline importance, and more and more people will use the Internet to access the news
Nowadays, there is a great concern about the situation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the Internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "thinks", "thought".
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
may
still
the most significant source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. From my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective, I completely disagree with this opinion.

On the one hand, during the booming of technologies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
at the moment, they have a trend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet. The simple reason that there are several benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet is up-to-minute. It updates at
really
time. As long as I have my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
or laptop with me, I can connect almost website on the internet and access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
of my choice across global.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
or
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
laptop and
they can surf the internet everywhere if they have network connections.
For example
, when they go to school by bus, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
website and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
tidings everywhere.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
has more demerits that why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
to update information. The
first
reason that the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
is higher than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet.
For example
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
$8 to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if you have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
which has network connections, you can read
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and you do not pay for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on the internet is a way to protecting environment. We can save paper which
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
print
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
. It exactly saves forests employ to produce paper.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
will continue to decline importance, and more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the Internet to access the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay 7. Although more and more people read news on the internet, newspapers will remain the most important source of news. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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