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Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. v. 2
Although it is thought by some that the government focusing more on supporting artist is a waste and that the funds should be diverted into other sections. In my opinion, I believe that these resources could be used in other areas like the health industry in order to enhance the quality of lives of the public. On the one hand, some people think that governments need to support the artists because they cannot raise enough funds to run the industry. In other words, artists require help because the revenue generated cannot be sufficient to effectively provide the services required of them. Furthermore, in order to prevent high entrance fee to places on interest like the art galleries, museums it is essential that the state continually supprts the artists. For example, there was a low turnout at the opening of the National museum in Lagos as a result of the high entrance fee. The management complained that lack of support from the governing bodies resulted in the high gate fee. On the other hand, it is thought by another set that the funds expended on the artists can be used to augment the health sector in order to improve quality of lives and I agree. In other words, the government can provide various machinery and other high end equipments, consequently, this will help the doctors and nurses carry out their job effortlessly and provide outstanding results. For example, since the government imcreased the Nigerian budget increased the budget of the health industry and dropped that of the art industry, there has been a remarkable reduction in the mortality rate recorded. This emphasizes the need of government increased and continual support the health sector. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinions, I believe that it is highly essential that the government focuses more on improving the health of the public by providing high end equipments to ease the jobs of the health practitioners.
Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
focusing more on supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artist
is a waste and that the funds should
be diverted
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sections. In my opinion, I believe that these resources could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
in order to enhance the quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of the public.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
need to support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot raise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds to run the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the revenue generated cannot be sufficient to
effectively
provide the services required of them.
Furthermore
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
entrance fee to places on interest like the art galleries, museums it is essential that the state
continually
Possible spelling mistake found.
supprts
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
.
For example
, there was a low turnout at the opening of the National museum in Lagos
as a result
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
entrance fee. The management complained that lack of support from the governing bodies resulted in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
gate fee.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by another set that the funds expended on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artists
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to augment the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can provide various machinery and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
equipments,
consequently
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the doctors and nurses carry out their job
effortlessly
and provide outstanding results.
For example
, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
Possible spelling mistake found.
imcreased
the Nigerian budget increased the budget of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
and dropped that of the art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
, there has been a remarkable reduction in the mortality rate recorded. This emphasizes the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
increased and continual support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinions, I believe that it is
highly
essential that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
focuses more on improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the public by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
equipments to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the jobs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
practitioners.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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