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Some people think that we can use animals in any way for the benefits of human beings. Other disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that we can use animals in any way for the benefits of human beings. Other disagree. v. 2
There is a lot of controversy about using animals for a variety of human needs. Several people argue that human can exploit animals for any purposes while the others believe that animals should have the same right as people. This essay will discuss both views. To begin with, it is undeniable that animals play a vital role in the human life. First and foremost, some animals are used by people to assist them in producing and providing foods. For example, in Viet Nam, cows and buffalos are spent by farmers to cultivate their farming areas and some kinds of meat such as beef, kitchen are considered as a staple source of food. Moreover, animals have a great contribution on developing medical field. In details, several animals are used in certain specific experiments or medical testing before applying on health of people. As a result, thousands of patients are saved thanks to these experiments. On the other hand, some people think that we should stop killing and using animals to fulfill their needs. Firstly, over-exploitation affects negatively on both sides. For example, a range of endangered species are dying away and be extinct due to excessive hunting. In addition, it is unacceptable to kill animals for entertainment and profits. The fact shows that Hunting precious species for trading is illegal and people do not have right to disrespect other lives on the earth. In conclusion, although animals supply a various of things for human, people only should exploit them by some suitable ways and reasonable quantity to meet the human needs in the long run.
There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
controversy about using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
needs. Several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
can exploit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for any purposes while the others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should have the same right as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This essay will discuss both views.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
play a vital role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to assist them in producing and providing foods.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam, cows and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "buffalo", the plural form of the noun 'buffalo'?
buffalos
are spent
by farmers to cultivate their farming areas and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of meat such as beef, kitchen
are considered
as a staple source of food.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
have a great
The usual preposition for "contribution" is "to". Did you mean "contribution to"?
contribution on
developing medical field. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in certain specific experiments or medical testing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
applying on health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, thousands of patients
are saved
thanks to these experiments.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
killing and using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to fulfill their needs.
Firstly
, over-exploitation affects
negatively
on both sides.
For example
, a range of endangered species are dying away and be extinct due to excessive hunting.
In addition
, it is unacceptable to kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for entertainment and profits. The fact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that Hunting precious species for trading is illegal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have right to disrespect other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on the earth.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
supply
The phrase 'a various of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a various of
things for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
should exploit them by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suitable ways and reasonable quantity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
needs in the long run.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people think that we can use animals in any way for the benefits of human beings. Other disagree. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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