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Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both view and give your opinion v.4

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. 4
Some people think that it is right to allocate a huge amount of funds to artists, whereas others assert that this can be diverted to other important sector like health. I believe that although artists need financial assistance to grow their career, giving funds to nations’ health issues is a better option. On the one hand, young painters and sculptors need grants and loans from the state because they are not established enough to support themselves. That is to say that at the beginning of their occupation, no one knows who they are and they are therefore unable to sell any of their works and therefore need monetary support. For example, Damien Hirst was given a grant to attend Art College when he was a young man and without this he might have had to take a normal job. However, I believe that normal people do not benefit from works of art as much as they do from spending money on healthcare. On the other hand, there are those that believe that governments squander their money when they give it to artists. They think that there are so many other departments, such as education, infrastructure and health that need attention and are underfunded. For example, in every country in the world, there are still incurable diseases, such as diabetes, and the whole country would benefit if there was more attention given to finding a cure. I believe health is much more worthy of state spending because it saves lives, whereas art is quite useless in this regard. In conclusion, although helping those working in the arts might subsidise the production of masterpieces, a painting cannot help the sick and dying and it is therefore better if funding health is given priority.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is right to allocate a huge amount of funds to artists, whereas others assert that this can
be diverted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sector like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that although artists
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
financial assistance to grow their career, giving funds to nations’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues is a better option.

On the one hand, young painters and sculptors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
grants and loans from the state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not established
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to support themselves.
That is
to say that at the beginning of their occupation, no one knows who they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
are and
they are
therefore
unable to sell any of their works and
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
monetary support.
For example
, Damien
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hirst
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a grant to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
College when he was a young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and without this he might have had to take a normal job.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not benefit from works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as much as they do from spending money on healthcare.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are those that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
squander their money when they give it to artists. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
departments, such as education, infrastructure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
attention and
are underfunded
.
For example
, in every country in the world, there are
still
incurable diseases, such as diabetes, and the whole country would benefit if there was more attention
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to finding a cure. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is much more worthy of state spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it saves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is quite useless in this regard.

In conclusion
, although helping those working in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
might
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidise' is British English.
subsidise
the production of masterpieces, a painting cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the sick and dying and it is
therefore
better if funding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
priority.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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