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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.14

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. with this statement? v. 14
In this modern generation, many people not only seeking for glamour and wealth, but they also concern their achievements too. Achievement is the only evidence that can prove the person has succeeded in one field. It is glad to say that this world still has some famous celebrities struggle for their achievement and giving a positive image to the young people. Hence, I disagree with the statement as independence young people will not depend on the awful characteristics of celebrities, instead they will find the good things and learn it. Also, the great effort of celebrities will inspire them to face difficulty in the future. Firstly, a mature young people will be following the famous celebrities that act as a positive role model instead of glamour and richness celebrities. Some celebrities are hard working and giving their great efforts to their works are witnessed by everybody include young people. This has influenced the young people who treat them as their idol to take effort in achieving their goals too. For example, a famous novelist who is famous in the world now, she also struggles to become successful in her life. Before her success, she needs to take care her baby that leads her could not afford a computer or even the expense of photocopying novel. Thus, she manually typed out the novel and send to publishers. Although it has been rejected many times, but she finally found a publisher that giving her the second chance (Scottberg, E. ). Therefore, one’s achievements are not always what you see as it’s coming from the blood, tears and sweat. Secondly, some well-known celebrities can inspire young people by their brilliant skills and abilities and hence changing the life of young people. Musicians, sportsman and actors become famous idol of everyone, not because their beautiful aura or wealth, but it’s because they worked hard and trained themselves to expert the skills and abilities. For instance, talented person is not born, but is created. They need to take challenges and face many difficulties while pursuing their dream and ambition. These kind of role models can inspire the young people to develop their skills and abilities while facing difficulties in their daily life. Thus, glamour and wealth do not mean anything if one is not talented or hard working in certain fields and try to achieve their dreams. In conclusion, not all well-known celebrities famous for their beautiful aura and richness as there are also some celebrities who famous for their achievements and success. In my opinion, young people can learn from their success stories and start to pursue their dream and ambition with a heart of passion. Young people should learn to struggle and work hard for achievement and their bright future.
In this modern generation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
seeking for glamour and wealth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
concern their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievements
too.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Achievement
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
evidence that can prove the person has succeeded in one field. It is glad to say that this world
still
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
struggle for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievement
and giving a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
image to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Hence
, I disagree with the statement as independence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not depend on the awful characteristics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
,
instead
they will find the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things and learn it.
Also
, the great effort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
will inspire them to face difficulty in the future.

Firstly
, a mature
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
that act as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
role model
instead
of glamour and richness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
and giving their great efforts to their works
are witnessed
by everybody
The pronoun 'everybody' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "includes", "included".
include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This has influenced the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who treat them as their idol to take effort in achieving their goals too.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
novelist who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, she
also
struggles to become successful in her life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
her success, she needs to take care her baby that leads her could not afford a computer or even the expense of photocopying novel.
Thus
, she
manually
typed out the novel and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
to publishers. Although it has
been rejected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she
finally
found a publisher that giving her the second chance (
Possible spelling mistake found.
Scottberg
, E.
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
.
Therefore
, one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievements
are not always what you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
as it’s coming from the blood, tears and sweat.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can inspire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by their brilliant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities and
hence
changing the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Musicians, sportsman and actors become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
idol of everyone, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
aura or wealth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they worked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and trained themselves to expert the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities.
For instance
, talented person is not born,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is created
. They need to take challenges and face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties while pursuing their dream and ambition.
Did you mean "this kind" or "These kinds"?
These kind
of role models can inspire the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities while facing difficulties in their daily life.
Thus
, glamour and wealth do not mean anything if one is not talented or
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
in certain fields and try to achieve their dreams.

In conclusion
, not all well-known
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
aura and richness as there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievements
and success. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn from their success stories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to pursue their dream and ambition with a heart of passion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should learn to struggle and work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achievement
and their bright future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. with this statement? v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
457 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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